Lidl

[Engine Serang]

In Lidl this morning shopping for Bratwurst or was it Brockwurst and bought a very professional Multi-Meter for Euro 15.99.
Will I electrocute myself or set the house on fire? Ought I use HD Marigolds when using the flame red meter?

Keeping a weather eye out for a E15 Sextant or an Indicator Gauge and Planimeter.

If purchasing departments visited Lidl weekly they could run their ships for half the cost and all the crew could have a Batman Duvet and an ersatz George Foreman.

[Farmer John]

I bought one of those, only to realise my needs would be met by a torch bulb a crocodile clip and some wire. I amuse myself by clicking the dial round and trying to guess what circumstances some one who wasn't electrically illiterate might use it for.

Very handy.

[Tmac1720]

What is black, charred and hangs from the ceiling?

A sparkie using a cheepo voltage meter.

I once asked a spark in Harland and Bluff if the power was off before I sliced through a cable. He confirmed it was only for me to be confronted by a blinding flash. I said "You *%$£ told me the power was off" !!!! "well it is now" came the reply

[Varley]

Cheap mean electronic means "High Impedance".

It is thusly designated because its design seriously impedes fault finding by the sloppy.

On the plus side it does means that the sloppy are far more likely to 'find' a voltage on the load side of a high resistance fault where it usefully isn't so unless stupid as well as sloppy then no more dangerous than a proper moving coil meter.

[Engine Serang]

"High Impedance", voltage, high resistance, moving coil meter. Is there no end to Lidl's versatility, from organic lemons to AVO's in one easy aisle.

What's that Dave? A PLC kit for the home enthusiast. Must get one for Tmac, many hours of innocent fun altering the gearbox settings.

[Varley]

How else do you think 'Your Mate Dave's' door/fire alarum engine functions? (to follow the pattern you would need an amplifier and some joined up chips doing voice recording/playing). Have slack handful of Chinese jobies too. Cheap, whereas the Toshiba 'trainer package' was not - over 20 years old - so contradicting my policy/opinion/policy that single failure prone high semiconductor count kit has a one score years less ten to live. But that is statistics for you. Do as I say not as my doorbell does.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Varley

How else do you think 'Your Mate Dave's' door/fire alarum engine functions? (to follow the pattern you would need an amplifier and some joined up chips doing voice recording/playing). Have slack handful of Chinese jobies too. Cheap, whereas the Toshiba 'trainer package' was not - over 20 years old - so contradicting my policy/opinion/policy that single failure prone high semiconductor count kit has a one score years less ten to live. But that is statistics for you. Do as I say not as my doorbell does.

I always thought a Semitic conductor was the Jewish bloke on the bus who checked the tickets ????

[Varley]

By Jephthah, buses are kosher? Bang goes the Ham sandwich when taking the bus pass for a drive.

(Why was Noah allowed to have Ham?).

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Varley

By Jephthah, buses are kosher? Bang goes the Ham sandwich when taking the bus pass for a drive.

(Why was Noah allowed to have Ham?).

Possibly because someone told him that hamburgers were made of beef.

Which reminds me, that many years ago, I had a French Canadian butcher from whom I used to buy sides of beef for the freezer. One day I asked him if he had any Kosher ham. He replied that he didn't have any in stock, but that could get some. (True story!!)

[Engine Serang]

(True story!!) (True story!!)

Since when did we want True Stories on SH.
Young man you are in danger of being blackballed for spreading Non-False News.

[Pilot24]

According to Mrs Pilot 24 Lidil is the only shop where you go from cold meats to chain saws!

[Varley]

Free delivery of fizz from UK arranged from comfort of desk although another can do a penny or so a bottle better (and a label more to her taste) at Tesco's locally. She has to make something of a scrum to get there for those offers though (sometimes competing to the shelves as she has lauded their performance too widely!) She has not mentioned chain saws, do they do MIG welding kit as well? - her No.1 and I may then be interested (although we are about to commence Elphie's coatings, only a few blowthoughs to join up remaining in her bodywork - that is Elphie's bodywork, of course, not his Ma's).

The one vegetarian guest for Easter Big Breakfast did not turn up. Now the Beatlewoman's sausages are quite palatable and even fool the cats so they may not have to stay in the freezer until next Easter. The vegetarian chicken also fooled the cats (but not me!). The ham, however, fooled no one. I can remember the taste of blotting paper (if I remember correctly it flew better and stung more when flicked from a ruler at a fellow scholar if chewed first). This stuff is worse, coupled to which it does not absorb ink.

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Possibly because someone told him that hamburgers were made of beef.

Which reminds me, that many years ago, I had a French Canadian butcher from whom I used to buy sides of beef for the freezer. One day I asked him if he had any Kosher ham. He replied that he didn't have any in stock, but that could get some. (True story!!)

My best mate at school used to enjoy ham salads after my Mum made one for him accidentally. She forgot he was Jewish. My mate said it was OK, but not to tell his parents. We still laugh about it today, especially as he asked for another ham salad the next time he visited.

Sorry ES, but that is also a true story.

[Ron Stringer]

Originally Posted by Varley

... do they do MIG welding kit as well?.

Can't speak for Lidl but they do, occasionally, at Aldi, David.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Varley

Now the Beatlewoman's sausages are quite palatable and even fool the cats so they may not have to stay in the freezer until next Easter.

I think, maybe, we should all pitch in for a CARE package for Varley --- poor feller reduced to keeping cats in the freezer instead of Easter bunnies.

[Les Gibson]

Brilliant posts! Still laughing thank you guys.

[Varley]

Originally Posted by Ron Stringer

Can't speak for Lidl but they do, occasionally, at Aldi, David.

You are spoiled on that adjacent Island, Ron. Neither Tesco's nor M&S offers as much as a stud extractor over here, even for ready money. As for the Co-op-not so much as a neon screwdriver. A desert, I tell you. A veritable desert.

[Varley]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

I think, maybe, we should all pitch in for a CARE package for Varley --- poor feller reduced to keeping cats in the freezer instead of Easter bunnies.

Not the cats, you fool. The Beatle sausages. You couldn't keep cats in a freezer if their 'fridge door opening skills are anything to go by.

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by Varley

You are spoiled on that adjacent Island, Ron. Neither Tesco's nor M&S offers as much as a stud extractor over here, even for ready money. As for the Co-op-not so much as a neon screwdriver. A desert, I tell you. A veritable desert.

Property Developers, Dodgy Bankers, Currency Traders, Investment Analysts and Associated Spivs have little need for a stud extractor unless it is to extract a confession from a randy Bond Trader. A neon screwdriver would be used to poke out the eyes of a reluctant Re-Insurance Brooker who tried to keep his secrets secret.

A veritable desert indeed, devoid of ethics, truth, fiduciary trust and even common decency. Crooked Mona a Christian wasteland.


Must be off to re-register my Gulfstream.

[Dave McGouldrick]

#13
Or as the Rabbi said after obtaining an admission of non-celibacy from a priest:
'Beats the Hell out of a Ham sandwich doesn't it '

[BobClay]

My first and lasting impression of Lidl was that I’ve wandered into a badly organised warehouse that has just suffered from a mild earthquake. But now I realise it’s simply a better way to take down a ‘nation of shop keepers’ than twenty panzer divisions.

[Varley]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

Property Developers, Dodgy Bankers, Currency Traders, Investment Analysts and Associated Spivs have little need for a stud extractor unless it is to extract a confession from a randy Bond Trader. A neon screwdriver would be used to poke out the eyes of a reluctant Re-Insurance Brooker who tried to keep his secrets secret.

A veritable desert indeed, devoid of ethics, truth, fiduciary trust and even common decency. Crooked Mona a Christian wasteland.


Must be off to re-register my Gulfstream.

But you could take them all back to Hibernia whence that sort hail. I didn't know there was interest to be had on 'randy'.

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by BobClay

My first and lasting impression of Lidl was that I’ve wandered into a badly organised warehouse that has just suffered from a mild earthquake. But now I realise it’s simply a better way to take down a ‘nation of shop keepers’ than twenty panzer divisions.

Sounds like a chain of stores that used to trade in South and East Devon years ago. It was called "AXE", and it looked like they had used one to open all the boxes. There were no prices displayed on the goods, the check out gang knew them all. Allegedly.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Varley

Not the cats, you fool. The Beatle sausages. You couldn't keep cats in a freezer if their 'fridge door opening skills are anything to go by.

Sorry -- I thought keeping cats in a freezer would help with the defrosting??

Like, the best way to clean the toilet -- throw the cat in and close the lid, hold it down, and then beat a very hasty retreat when you let go of it !!

[Engine Serang]

Great idea but how do you clean the cat?