virtual crazy gang, part II

[billyboy]

maybe if you mixed it with Gripetini and white gloss Varley it might just be palatable.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by Varley

Just because I'm off the stuff for a bit doesn't mean you can go and use it as a back rub. Anyway it'll leave you very sticky even if it does smell better than horse linament.

(Now then, I wonder if I could taste that?)

Pardon Varley ? You don't mean off my back? Heaven forbid that I would waste a good port as a back rub and I don't think Tom would either!

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by billyboy

maybe if you mixed it with Gripetini and white gloss Varley it might just be palatable.

Don't encourage him billyboy.

[PatriciaAnnT]

Originally Posted by Red-17

Oh Tom, a neck rub would be wonderful and a glass of port would mean that I wouldn't need the Valium but I am a little concerned about what the rest of the crew would think.

The rest of the crew would be thinking that Tom is reading to you from Little Women- Louisa May Alcott, 1868 (I understand that Tom has a copy she signed just for him ). Tom is very thoughtful that way.

[billyboy]

Oh!...Valium!...I thought it was Viagra she was taking.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Red-17

Pardon Varley ? You don't mean off my back? Heaven forbid that I would waste a good port as a back rub and I don't think Tom would either!

Well Red we do't have to worry -- just follow the instructions -- I believe if you look closely the label on the Port definitely says "For Internal Use Only!" For your back, maybe some essential oils and some hot rocks applied as well?? Here are some hot towels with which to refresh yourself first?

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by PatriciaAnnT

The rest of the crew would be thinking that Tom is reading to you from Little Women- Louisa May Alcott, 1868 (I understand that Tom has a copy she signed just for him ). Tom is very thoughtful that way.

I vaguely remember her signing that for me when I was a young lad of 14.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Pilot boat approaching Tom!...cut outs to Port side to assist the pilot if required please!

VROOOOM .........VROOOM. Main engines on Tom. Standing by for manhoovers.

Bulkhead phone:Steward! bring down 2 clean glasses please. (dont like sucking black bush from the pipe. besides it makes Varleys beard go curly)

Dead slow ahead please. Cut outs -- please pour the pilot over the side -- be courteous now and attach a life line until he is safely esconced in the pilot boat. (That must have been a good going away party -- he's still singing something about Hitler having only one ball.

Safely off?? Engine room Green button please. (For newcomers to the crew , that means "Full Away".

[Varley]

Originally Posted by billyboy

maybe if you mixed it with Gripetini and white gloss Varley it might just be palatable.

Do you think I haven't tried? Bloody expensive being only able to enjoy Fizz. Was on the Krombacher alcohol free last night, taste's almost OK but diuretic effect would embarrass an Arkle.

[billyboy]

Bridge!...Allok down here Tom, purring like kittens they are.
Black bush is ok now I got used to it.
Be up for a Tot later when Varley relieves me (been relieving himself well after last nights binge)

[Varley]

Don't bother telling Tmac - the shit plant's been on high level since I opened the second bottle.

[billyboy]

wait till sundown and blow it out before you come up Varley. It will be all right as no one will notice in the dark.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by billyboy

wait till sundown and blow it out before you come up Varley. It will be all right as no one will notice in the dark.

Want to bet on that billyboy?

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

Any songs you would like to share? We all promise to join in any choruses, possibly with all the hand actions (within the bounds of possibility/credibility).

How about 'Three Old Ladies' the last verse of which is;

The last ones name was Elizabeth Carter
She was known as a world renowned farter
She went in a played a sonata
And nobody knew she was there.

Chorus.
Oh, dear, what can the matter be
Three old ladies locked in the lavatory
They were there from Monday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Well Red we do't have to worry -- just follow the instructions -- I believe if you look closely the label on the Port definitely says "For Internal Use Only!" For your back, maybe some essential oils and some hot rocks applied as well?? Here are some hot towels with which to refresh yourself first?

The hot towels are lovely, thanks Tom. The essential oils sound wonderful but I am not to sure about the 'other'?

Please read me some more Louisa May Alcott, I am starting to feel nice and relaxed, who needs Valium?

[Varley]

Originally Posted by billyboy

wait till sundown and blow it out before you come up Varley. It will be all right as no one will notice in the dark.

It's only me that's lost the sense of smell! Unless there's a force 5 sending it down wind I think that the others'll notice well enough. Just possible I will as well.

[Dartskipper]

Just get the Captain to ring down Emergency Full Ahead, (I think that's two pushes of the big Green button,) and we will leave any whiffy niffs far astern.

[Farmer John]

They were going for tea
With the wife of the vicar,
They went in together
because it was quicker
But they didn't know that the lock was a sticker
A nobody knew they were there.

[billyboy]

OK, lets see now. the overboard discharge can be linked to the sceptic tank, close the feed valve, open vent valve and activate pump......at 25 knots and with the wind ahead of us all should safetly drift astern of us.
Now that nice white plastic Gin palace that we passed a few moments back will think its just a foul weather phenomenon.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by Farmer John

They were going for tea
With the wife of the vicar,
They went in together
because it was quicker
But they didn't know that the lock was a sticker
A nobody knew they were there.

Never heard that one before Farmer John. I thought that you would have stimulated more response to gathering ditties. My party piece used to be The Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. Learnt it when I was in a primary school choir, under eights, and I have never forgotten the words. How sad is that! Taking up much needed brain space.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Red-17

My party piece used to be The Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. Learnt it when I was in a primary school choir, under eights, and I have never forgotten the words. How sad is that! Taking up much needed brain space.

Don't worry ---- "She's dead -- Of course!!)

[billyboy]

It wriggles and wriggles and tickles inside her.....

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by billyboy

It wriggles and wriggles and tickles inside her.....

Oh! I had no idea it had world acclaim!

[billyboy]

OK guys carry on from here..........

"I once knew a young girl named Red" (next line please someone)

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by billyboy

OK guys carry on from here..........

"I once knew a young girl named Red" (next line please someone)

Oh, this should be good! I can't wait for the responses.