virtual crazy gang, part II

[billyboy]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Actually it was Singapore to Phuket -- but not let us pick the fly poop out of the pepper. Or more exactly as per the ancient maritime communications, originally concerning Lykes Lines in the US. and which is now more universal:

Haji Laka Mauda and Haji Chadder Moad,

Hera Pheri Trading Co.
235,Sharea e Faisal
Karatchi
Pakistan

We refer you to our Agreement for Two parcels auf 5000 Tonne each auf Rice vich you haf sent Two Times by 25 Kontainers each time unter Bill Auf Lading No. HPTC-GuRHm GmbH 003/2010 und Bill Auf Lading No. HPTC-GuRHm GmbH 004/2010

Deez two shipments auf rice ve got from you vas mitt mice schidt mixt. Der rice vas gut enuff, but der mice durds schpoils der trade. Vee did not see der mice schidt in der samples vich you sent us.

We hav checked mitt our trading department and dey konfirm dat in der agreement to import rice from ur kompani if it is agreed to send rice mitt mice shidt mixt but dey are not finding any mention of Mice shcidt must to be mixt mitt der rice

It takes too much time to remuf der mice durds out from der rice. Vee order kleen rice and you schipt mice schidt mixt mitt der rice.

Vee like you to schip us der rice in vun sack und der mice schidt in annoder sak, and den vee mix to soot der kustomer.

Pleaz to understand ve haf had to clean der rice to remuf dor mice schidt for vich we have to employ German cleaning mans and German cleaning vomans vich pepuls be very costly. Vee now have all der rice in vun grup of bags and all der mice schidt in odder grup of bags

Pleaz wride, if ve shud schip back der mice schidt und keep der rice vich we have asked und paid fur or to keep der mice schidt vich we hav not asked fur und schip back der rice vich ve haf paid fur, or schip back der hold schitten verks.

Pleaz note dat we have sent der mice schidt vich was mixt mitt der rice to Der Labor für Güteprüfung in Hamburg who Konfirm dat dis mice schidt in der rice contains kurry vich meanz dat dis mice schidt is from Pakistan Mices and not German Mices.

Ve vant to do ridt in dis matter budt ve do no like dis mice schidt business.

Hans Grubber Von Schlong-Zwei Nuttenberg
Getreide und Reis Handel Gesellschaft mit beschränkter Haftung
Winterstraße
22765 Hamburg

Copy : ------- und -------- Gmbh, Hamburg

Copy : ------- Grain Brokers Ltd., London

Copy : ----Association, London

[billyboy]

Hi RED17. Good to have you back aboard.
Come on down to the PAX lounge I am about to stand a Bar session for the entire crew,
Be happy to see Phuket, never been there before!...Did I pronounce that right?

[Red-17]

Tom, you just made me realise what has been missing in my life, the ultimate story about mice schidt. Was any conclusion ever reached about who got the rice and who got the schidt. Sitting here laughing so loud that Angus (my dog) just came running in to make sure that I was OK. Tooo funny.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Hi RED17. Good to have you back aboard.
Come on down to the PAX lounge I am about to stand a Bar session for the entire crew,
Be happy to see Phuket, never been there before!...Did I pronounce that right?

Thank you billyboy I would love to join you for a drink or two in the PAX lounge. I take it there will be some Dom on offer? Right now I am going to go and check on the animals. No, not the crew, the four legged kind in the garden area. See you soon.

[billyboy]

stick another Domperignon ice please steward. Red 17 will need 2 bottles after she checks the livestock.

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by billyboy

stick another Domperignon ice please steward. Red 17 will need 2 bottles after she checks the livestock.

Sounds like we might get porridge made with llamas' milk for breakfast tomorrow -- along with some finnan haddie. 'Twer Coastie here he would be wearing his kilt, sporran, etc..

[billyboy]

I knew an Egyptian man who came over here started a farm. He had LLamas! he felt so sorry for them shivering in the cold so he kitted them out in his old Pyjamaas. You must have heard about hin from the papers "Egyption farmer in Llama Pyjama drama"....I'll just get my coat.

[Farmer John]

Varley, how did you fare in this?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-euro...f-man-40568444

I know you have been training in secret, but I believe you are highly tipped to win, and your Nautical leaning should have helped.

[Farmer John]

Sir William, everyone is allowed to make jokes, but do not ask for laughter, as a refusal often offends.

[Varley]

I am excluded (Too much Ethanol onboard to be carried in a single hulled vessel).

[billyboy]

Ah now life is grand to be sure....Beautiful day, calm sea, crew in good humor, Bar operating efficiently.... Perfik!!

[Farmer John]

I agree Sir William, anyone coming water skiing? I'll watch and throw a lifebelt.

[billyboy]

let one of the plasticos over the wall and lets give him a treat. and stand by with the gaff hook. I think we may be in for Shark steaks for tonights meal.

[Tom Alexander]

The cruise ship the "World" has been docked in my home port of Nanaimo for the last couple of days. Feel sorry for the passengers -- they pay $1,000,000 plus for their residence, and then a similar annual fee for maintenance of the vessel.


Check it out here: http://aboardtheworld.com/experience/


Us lot on the GD has all they have and more, and it doesn't cost us a cent.

[Tom Alexander]

Phuket tomorrow --- New supply of Blue ointment available in the sick bay!

[Farmer John]

Phuket sounds like a warmer version of Glasgow on a Saturday night in the 1960s. I think we should go ashore in pairs, with some sort of "door knobs in a sock" provision.

[billyboy]

Billiard ball in a sock works well Farmer John. Lead with the left hand holding your green river knife. while threatening with right fist. while they are trying to gaze at your two hands apply steel tocaps to testicles....scrap over

[Tmac1720]

One finds in such circumstances a flogging spanner deployed from the inside leg of ones boiler-suit has the desired deterrent effect, especially when applied to any exposed flesh.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Billiard ball in a sock works well Farmer John.

I must confess Sire I have never located my balls, Billiard or otherwise in my sock Is some comforting sensation to be gained from such practice?

[Dartskipper]

Originally Posted by Tmac1720

I must confess Sire I have never located my balls, Billiard or otherwise in my sock Is some comforting sensation to be gained from such practice?

Use a cotton one in preference to a woollen one. (I am not speaking from personal experience, only passing on information gleaned when trawling for information on the International electronic net thingy.)

[billyboy]

only when you pull it out as a weapon Tmac.

Isnt it great to have a smart Engineer aboard. I asked him what an insulated screw was and he said "a wren in rubber boots"

[Tom Alexander]

Originally Posted by Varley

I am excluded (Too much Ethanol onboard to be carried in a single hulled vessel).

A common complaint -- too much blood in the alcohol stream!

[Tom Alexander]

Red: You said you would like to go to India and we settled on Chittagong, which strictly speaking is in Bangladesh ---- However we can carry on to where ever hour heart desires after.

[Farmer John]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Billiard ball in a sock works well Farmer John. Lead with the left hand holding your green river knife. while threatening with right fist. while they are trying to gaze at your two hands apply steel tocaps to testicles....scrap over

As I sit at my computer, my Green River knife is 2 feet away, to my left. My Steel toe-capped boots are in a convenient place close bye.

[Red-17]

Originally Posted by Tom Alexander

Red: You said you would like to go to India and we settled on Chittagong, which strictly speaking is in Bangladesh ---- However we can carry on to where ever hour heart desires after.

Thank you for that Tom, I was beginning to think that nobody knew I was back on board. Bangladesh is fine Tom, it is in the general area of India. By the way Skipper we seem to have some feral Llamas on the garden deck, have they been properly vetted since their arrival. You can't be too careful, we don't want any strange outbreaks among the crew.