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#326
19th April 2019, 02:50
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In the 1980s, the Spanish singer Julio Iglesias used the word 'Manana' on UK TV. The host asked him to explain. He said," Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; maybe the next day, maybe the day after that, or perhaps next week, next month next year, who realy cares ?" The host then asked the other guest, country singer Mudrack Flatlands, if there was an equivalent Australian term. "Nah, he replied, "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.
Tugger 
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#327
19th April 2019, 03:53
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'Australian Tradesman' ????  
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#328
21st April 2019, 19:20
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Always be careful with this Easter Egg thing …..
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#329
21st April 2019, 21:38
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Quote:
__________________
Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais. Rabelais
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#330
22nd April 2019, 07:40
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Is it an Easter "Yule Log" ? A bunny-bun.
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#331
22nd April 2019, 13:06
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My ears pricked up to a reported radio advert misspeak:
"There will be an Easter Bunny hunt followed by and Easter Bunny Breakfast". I am surprised there is nothing done potato-wise for Easter in the deeply distant Hibernias. I am expecting Irish seed potato to fulfil promise to grow some here for comparison (and to reduce sea miles on car-freight for some of ilk returning from the Curragh pilgrimages). It's rath getting on for such a planting but, heigh-ho, what can a mere unIrish male do?
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#332
12th May 2019, 10:37
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Groan meter at ready Bob?
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room wearing camouflage clothing asking to see you. He claims he's invisible." The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him." geoff
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#333
12th May 2019, 11:51
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That joke is older than I am …
(Still good though.)If we're resurrecting old music hall jokes: I say I say I say, my dog hasn't got a nose. How does it smell ? Bloody awful. … There's a man outside selling clocks. Tell him I haven't got time for him. …. Doctor Doctor I think I've got an inferiority complex. I can't think why you insignificant little moron. … Knock knock. Who's there ? Doctor. Doctor who ? EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE … And finally one from the late great Tommy Cooper. I went to see a show at the London Palladium but they told me all the seats were taken, and I couldn't go in. I said: "I bet you'd have seat for Prince Charles if he was coming." "Well yes," they replied. "Of course we would." "Well he's not coming, so I'll take his."
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#334
26th May 2019, 11:46
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Groan Meter ready Bob?
An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river. "Why did you do that?" asks a passing giraffe. "Because I recognised it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago." "Wow, what a memory!" says the giraffe. "Yes," says the elephant. "it's called Turtle recall!" geoff
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#335
27th May 2019, 10:32
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Right … bad jokes are us:
 Why shouldn't you buy flowers from a monk ? Because we should all strive to prevent florist friars. (taddum tish tish.) 
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#336
28th May 2019, 11:19
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An old man was unhappy because he'd lost his favourite hat.
Instead of buying a new one, he decided to go to the local church and pinch one out of the vestibule. But, when he tried, an usher saw him and forced him to sit in a pew and listen to the entire sermon on the Ten Commandments. After church, the old man went to the preacher, shook his hand and said "I want to thank you for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided against it". "You mean the Commandment 'Thou shalt not steal' changed your mind? asked the preacher. "No," said the old man. "The one about adultery did. As soon as you mentioned it, I remembered where I'd left my hat". geoff
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#337
5th June 2019, 20:15
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I always paid attention to it. It was checking to see that the emergency doors opened properly that seemed to p1ss everybody off ….
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#339
6th June 2019, 16:35
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The poor dog had never set eyes on a 70 year old painted lady from Wisconsin who didn't have a pension. And whose fifth husband had a rifle rack on his pick-up truck and chewed tobacco. And who sat in his porch in a string vest with a Ruger in his lap waiting for varmints to come down the road. The land of the free.
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#340
6th June 2019, 18:04
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Their model of an ideal recruit may have been updated since you last flew with them E-S.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#341
6th June 2019, 18:50
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Yes, apparently biplanes have gone out of fashion.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#342
6th June 2019, 22:28
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Biplanes still running scheduled services out of Newquay Airport. Honestly.
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#343
7th June 2019, 09:00
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That's Cornwall for ya ….
('One o them new fangled fly things be along dreckly.') 
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#344
18th June 2019, 19:22
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#345
18th June 2019, 20:42
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There is indeed talk of a spaceport. But I suspect it originated far far away in another galaxy.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#346
20th June 2019, 20:49
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I can offer good arguments against all the evidence you 'spherical heretics' produce, but I can't deny, this is a tough one.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#347
22nd June 2019, 21:33
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Went to buy a new toaster today. I asked the sales woman if they'd got something a little bit 'special'.
Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one... Turned out to be a Breville in disguise! geoff
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#348
22nd June 2019, 22:27
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#349
22nd June 2019, 22:45
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__________________
Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais. Rabelais
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#350
22nd June 2019, 23:20
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I'm a Delonghi man myself.
(I'm also removing erimus's honorary groanometer medal.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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