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virtual crazy gang, part II

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  #5351  
Old 31st July 2019, 10:44
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A fruity bean burst through? Bad luck. Trust you still have a clean boiler suit to put on.
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  #5352  
Old 31st July 2019, 15:30
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Tmac, I would love you to join us.

Bollix.
Laugh? the tears ran down my legs !!
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  #5353  
Old 31st July 2019, 15:31
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A fruity bean burst through? Bad luck. Trust you still have a clean boiler suit to put on.
Evacuated via the external fart flap...us injuneers think of everything
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  #5354  
Old 1st August 2019, 06:02
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I wondered why Dartskipper was perched on the after mast cross trees and then I realised my Russian spy was "adult" sunbathing on the monkey island. A quick run up the ratlines, over the futtock shrouds to join him ---- what a lively sight to behold. Here Dartskipper -- I thought you might want to steady your nerves.
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  #5355  
Old 1st August 2019, 13:05
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Hmmm....Methinks I will innocently nip up to Mnkey Island and check the compass up there. We do need to know that its working after all.....

Oh....errr excuse me Maam. Hate to disturb you but I need to check the compass up here. wont be long. just take a few bearings and I will be off.

Ok Maam all done. Carry on sunbathing.

(need to get a translation on that Tattoo she has. Looks like Japanese characters. I'll ask among the crew)
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  #5356  
Old 1st August 2019, 14:00
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I wondered why Dartskipper was perched on the after mast cross trees and then I realised my Russian spy was "adult" sunbathing on the monkey island. A quick run up the ratlines, over the futtock shrouds to join him ---- what a lively sight to behold. Here Dartskipper -- I thought you might want to steady your nerves.
Aye aye Tom, many thanks. I seem to have a slight difficulty getting these binoculars to focus properly. They're ok when looking at the horizon, but anything close to and they seem to develop a little shaky double vision. When we dock I will nip ashore and find a service agent to check that there isn't a loose prism.
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  #5357  
Old 1st August 2019, 14:43
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Why is there a queue past my cabin door, to the ladder to the Monkey Island? Some have been there twice (and onto the Monkey Island).

If some personnel don't come down from the upper-works, we may well have stability problems.
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Old 1st August 2019, 15:53
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Originally Posted by Dartskipper View Post
Aye aye Tom, many thanks. I seem to have a slight difficulty getting these binoculars to focus properly. They're ok when looking at the horizon, but anything close to and they seem to develop a little shaky double vision. When we dock I will nip ashore and find a service agent to check that there isn't a loose prism.

Oh! there's a loose prism alright.
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  #5359  
Old 1st August 2019, 17:24
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Hit them with anything to hand that is firm and springy, that might help and I don't think anything will come off.
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Last edited by Farmer John; 1st August 2019 at 17:30.
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  #5360  
Old 2nd August 2019, 00:44
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Prism? Have we fallen into a an Oscar Wilde farce? We'll have Madame Arcati doing the navigating by crystal balls next.

(At least then we'll be able to calibrate Tom).
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  #5361  
Old 2nd August 2019, 06:09
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Prism? Have we fallen into a an Oscar Wilde farce? We'll have Madame Arcati doing the navigating by crystal balls next.

(At least then we'll be able to calibrate Tom).
My math teacher always said "If ye calibrate, ye'll go blind !!"

AND -- While you're up on the Monkey Island, Sir William, perhaps you'd better check the balls on the compass -- I wouldn't put it past E-S to have flogged them for scrap and replaced them with painted crystal balls he picked up in Istanbul.
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  #5362  
Old 2nd August 2019, 09:51
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I have just checked. Tom. they are still the painted basketballs we put there when we sold them last year. The sneaky fellow has attached them to a model Dalek! He's sold the whole compass.
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  #5363  
Old 2nd August 2019, 10:17
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That's OK I'll just get a bog plunger and we can swing the Dalek. I take it there is a BoT approved Dalek adjuster hereabouts.

I did wonder why the Inmarsat dome was making lovey-dovey noises and why the stub mast looked a bit scorched.
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Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
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  #5364  
Old 2nd August 2019, 11:54
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E X T E R M I N A T E...... The last time I saw those balls they were rolling down the deck followed by a very worried monkey looking for a brazing kit.
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  #5365  
Old 4th August 2019, 21:58
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Tomorrow we should get the hook up and slowly sneak our way to the Best place to drop our - Diplomat- off. Anyone got a plan?

We have now loaded enough canaries to take us through a bad session of Brussel Sprouts, baked beans and cabbage.
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  #5366  
Old 4th August 2019, 23:44
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Yes FJ. Theres a small cove just beyond that headland. we are rendezvous there at 02:00hrs,1 mile offshore, NO Lights! a RIB will come alongside and take her off. We then depart heading offshore till out of sight and then proceed at 25 knots to wherever Tom says the agent wants us.
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  #5367  
Old 5th August 2019, 00:25
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No light? That's an easy one for Tmac. You usually don't have to ask. Only problem is the bloody AC will go off too.
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Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
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  #5368  
Old 5th August 2019, 05:51
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Yes FJ. Theres a small cove just beyond that headland. we are rendezvous there at 02:00hrs,1 mile offshore, NO Lights! a RIB will come alongside and take her off. We then depart heading offshore till out of sight and then proceed at 25 knots to wherever Tom says the agent wants us.
This ship is starting to sound like a ship I once served on where it was the Old Man's last trip, and the stress was obviously getting to him. Overhead him talking to himself in the wheelhouse one night saying "nobody listens to me anymore!"

So, I'm wondering whether anyone is paying attention aboard here???? I don't know where this female diplomat came from that we are surreptitiously dropping off in the Canaries, but we still have our Russian spy that we have contracted to take to St. Petersburg. (Then pick up a load of sugar beets for Silvertown, and some under the counter top quality vodka for the East End pubs.

Oh! Well!! IO suppose if I can't beat you-- join you.
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  #5369  
Old 5th August 2019, 08:28
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Tom's right guys. We SHOULD listen carefully to him. Remember that HE is in charge and has the Satphone link with the Agent.
And besides....Its his round up in the pool bar tonight.
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  #5370  
Old 5th August 2019, 09:57
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No light? That's an easy one for Tmac. You usually don't have to ask. Only problem is the bloody AC will go off too.
You know me sooooooooo well never heard of feckin candles or opening the portlight ?
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

Anything God didn't create was made by engineers.

I try so hard to make things idiot proof but they keep making better idiots
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  #5371  
Old 5th August 2019, 10:26
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Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance...
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  #5372  
Old 5th August 2019, 12:04
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If I'd wanted to read by candle light I'd have installed a cabin altar (high church of course, candles but no graven image). If I open the port I can't tell if the smell of hot soot and paraffin is coming from an enclosure blazing away below or you have just made one of your usual hot starts.
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Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #5373  
Old 5th August 2019, 13:22
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If I open the port I can't tell if the smell of hot soot and paraffin is coming from an enclosure blazing away below or you have just made one of your usual hot starts.
Well, that's good bye to our first canary.
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  #5374  
Old 5th August 2019, 13:30
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If he cooks like he engineerifies that hot canary tart'll be hot black bird (some, won't be complaining at that of course).
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan

Last edited by Varley; 6th August 2019 at 00:25.
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  #5375  
Old 5th August 2019, 18:22
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Roast canary is ok, but don't you find that the feathers get stuck in your throat?
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