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#1152
1st May 2022, 16:47
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Bob,
There were a couple of gangs. Both were kitted out with vans with hoist beams fitted and carried power tools. One was dedicated to stealing car engines and other parts. The other was dedicated to big bikes. The Honey Monster came back to Aulis, in the early hours, just in time to see his brand new Z1000 disappearing inside the van, the doors closing and the van driving off at high speed. He'd only had the bike for a week and the thieves were good enough to leave his three hi-tech locks (cut) which were a condition of his insurance. By the time he went to the cop shop, they just shook their heads and said that, by then, the bike was as good as on the Continent, in parts, for the "grey market". Rgds. Dave 
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#1153
1st May 2022, 18:35
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A little girl goes to parent's bedroom late at night, tugs on Daddy's arm and wakes him.
Little girl: It's my birthday next week and I know old I will be." Daddy (puzzled): And how old will you be? Little girl hold up four fingers. Daddy turns and wakes Mummy. They were up all night but the little girl refused to tell Mummy and Daddy where and how she had got them....
__________________
The Mad Landsman
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#1154
2nd May 2022, 13:44
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"What's your name?" asked the Doctor.
"Colin F***ing Wilson," replied the patient. A bit startled by this, the Doctor asked: "Do you suffer from Tourette's Colin?" "No. But the Vicar at the Christening did."
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1155
2nd May 2022, 21:46
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The power of words has to be believed.
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1156
2nd May 2022, 21:51
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Left out Gobsmacked.
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#1157
4th May 2022, 09:27
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And Hornswoggled.
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#1159
6th May 2022, 22:16
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How much will you pay for a copy?
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1160
6th May 2022, 23:42
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I am not sure that would help me, Ron. I know where I want to go and to make the direction part of the message longer to listen to would only increase the risk of wetting myself before I reached it.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#1161
7th May 2022, 05:47
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Too much information V, far too much.
I'll break one of my own rules and mention others waterworks....... Modify a package of Pampers FFS; you're beginning to behave like poor old Private Godfrey.
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#1162
7th May 2022, 10:12
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African went to a night club.
The bouncer said: "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai."
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1163
7th May 2022, 13:24
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A little boy with a large holdall was stopped by the local policeman.
"What are you doing with that big bag sonny? You can hardly carry it, can I look inside?" "It's got all me favourite toys and books, that's all." the boy replied sullenly. "And why is that?" asked the policeman. "Because I'm running away from home, that's why." "Ah, I see now. So, please tell me lad, why are you running away from your lovely home." "Well," replied the young boy, "When I went along the landing to the bathroom last night, I heard Mummy and Daddy talking . I stopped to listen and heard Daddy saying he was going to pull out soon, and Mummy replied that she would be coming too. If they think they can push off and leave me with a £250,000 mortgage around my neck, they can think again."
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#1164
11th May 2022, 21:42
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Male Health Check
Here is a new urine test program for men.
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1166
12th May 2022, 20:33
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Try this test and find out what film is your favourite. This simple maths quiz can likely predict which of the 18 films listed below you would enjoy the most. Dont ask me how, but it really works! Before you look at the list, do the test to check it out. You'll be astonished at its accuracy.
Film Test: Pick a number from 1-9. Multiply by 3. Add 3. Multiply by 3 again. Now add the two digits that make this result together to find your predicted favourite film in the list below. Film List: 1. Gone With The Wind 2. E.T. 3. Blazing Saddles 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A sheep 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubtfire 18. Toy Story
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1168
15th May 2022, 19:02
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How true is this?
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1169
15th May 2022, 21:30
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You can't help but think there's a bit of wishful thinking going on here .....
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1170
16th May 2022, 00:25
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Cheaper than a 'high energy' ignitor pack?
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#1172
17th May 2022, 12:17
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Quite an achievement!
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1173
17th May 2022, 20:47
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Dont try selling them on the street corner Ron.
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#1174
21st May 2022, 09:43
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I had this recurring dream that I was covered in Gold paint.
I went to the doctor who told me I had a gilt complex.
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1175
23rd May 2022, 10:03
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As I get older, I remember all the people I have lost along the way.
Maybe it wasn't the best choice to spend my career as a tour guide.
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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