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Who want's to join me in embarassment?

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  #26  
Old 19th May 2017, 22:06
Old Oilskin Old Oilskin is offline
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6ft- 8in tall, 16st 2lbs (down from 17.5 stone), BP (at last GP visit) 126/81. He suggested I should consider "taking it easy" what ever that means.

Still working and climbing up structures.

BW

J
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  #27  
Old 20th May 2017, 05:05
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YM-Mundrabilla Australia YM-Mundrabilla is offline
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At 6 foot 8 - can't you just reach up?
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  #28  
Old 20th May 2017, 18:26
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John Rogers United States John Rogers is online now
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Dr. Visit for a colonoscopy

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.
His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room
And told me to get undressed and have a seat
Until the doctor could see me .
She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me
I sat down. While waiting I observed
That there were three items on a stand
Next to the exam table:

A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer .

When the doctor finally came in I said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused
This is my first exam ..
I know what the K-Y is for
And I know what the glove is for,

But can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door

He flung the door open and yelled to his new nurse .. . . . . .

Darn it Evelyn !!!

I said a BUTT LIGHT "
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  #29  
Old 12th June 2017, 01:27
Lucy Knight England Lucy Knight is offline
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How to calculate your BMI
You go into Tesco superstore. Near the toilets at back is a machine. Stand on it. Put 50p in slot. An American voice tetlls you what buttons to press. Eg male or female, age. It automatically measures your height. You hold the handles. It measures your body resistance.Out pops a print out. This tells you the range of your correct BMI. What your BMI is, weight, height etc. And whether you are classed as obese etc. Usually its too accurate.
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  #30  
Old 12th June 2017, 01:50
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Last time I offered that sort of information to a machine and waited for a result I got the reply:

YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED !!

I had a hell of a time getting away from it ....
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  #31  
Old 12th June 2017, 11:38
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Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
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See #1 for edited update (going the wrong way again).
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #32  
Old 12th June 2017, 13:18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClay View Post
YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED !!

I had a hell of a time getting away from it ....
I thought you just ran down a flight of stairs and listened for a sound like a dustbin fighting 5 egg whisks.
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  #33  
Old 12th June 2017, 17:41
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You should never question a machine that thinks it can conquer the Universe with an egg whisk and a sink sucker. If nothing else, it doesn't lack confidence.
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(Actually Ripley said it first.)
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  #34  
Old 17th June 2017, 12:02
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Latest in edit to #1. Better, this week.
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #35  
Old 20th June 2017, 21:34
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Better do what Dave? Better do push-ups away from the table?
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  #36  
Old 21st June 2017, 23:01
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I should be making the most of my upset sense of taste Rodney, alas not. Dinner out - fizzie water. Can still taste solids almost unchanged - doesn't help. Extra ,meal at lunchtime gammon steak and chips. Bangers and mash this evening. Can't reach the bloody table!
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #37  
Old 22nd June 2017, 08:32
Dave McGouldrick Dave McGouldrick is offline
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When I weigh myself after my wife has managed to shrink my clothes in the washing machine, it seems my weight has increased. I'm sure you scientific types can establish the correllation here. I'm thinking that mass is constant but weight varies with gravity and velocity( Feeling very confused - must have a second breakfast to recover)
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  #38  
Old 22nd June 2017, 09:11
Chadburn Chadburn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave McGouldrick View Post
When I weigh myself after my wife has managed to shrink my clothes in the washing machine, it seems my weight has increased. I'm sure you scientific types can establish the correllation here. I'm thinking that mass is constant but weight varies with gravity and velocity( Feeling very confused - must have a second breakfast to recover)
Apparently we are 1/2 inch shorter when we stand up if that helps, it must be in the Leg department judging by the times I need my trousers taken up.
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  #39  
Old 24th June 2017, 17:47
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Another OK week. Much entertaining but still managed to loose 1/8th pound (see #1).

(I am not sure my bathroom scales can deal with relativistic mass so I shouldn't worry about trying to weigh yourself when approaching a light like velocity. I am sure the effect of washing machines and dry cleaners on one's clothes could be explained by our Albert, problem is we wouldn't be able to follow the line).
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #40  
Old 24th June 2017, 18:40
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You could try weighing yourself upstairs rather than downstairs. You'll be little lighter, but .. if your bathroom scales have that kind of resolution they must have cost a bob or two.

Alas not a route for me to lose weight, live in a bungalow.
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(Actually Ripley said it first.)
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  #41  
Old 1st July 2017, 14:32
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Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
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See #1. A reversal this week. Both weight and pressure have gone up. Maybe I need more stairs to go up.
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #42  
Old 1st July 2017, 16:07
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Varley View Post
Maybe I need more stairs to go up.
You need no more stairs than those you have. Climb to the top of them, and stand facing them. Now reach down and, keeping your body in a bow, touch your toes. Stnd up, turn around and climb the stairs again. This will afford you endless amusement and can be repeated as often as you feel will benefit you.
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  #43  
Old 1st July 2017, 18:00
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Another way to balance out your exercise is to pick up your beer glass with the other hand now and again.

Ahh... if only they sold beer in litre glasses, you could use both hands then ...

(fond memories of the Zillertal.)
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Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
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  #44  
Old 2nd July 2017, 13:34
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YM-Mundrabilla Australia YM-Mundrabilla is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClay View Post
You could try weighing yourself upstairs rather than downstairs. You'll be little lighter, but .. if your bathroom scales have that kind of resolution they must have cost a bob or two.

Alas not a route for me to lose weight, live in a bungalow.
My scales have great resolution. They cost me $A 15 the other day at K Mart.
I just keep jumping on and off and then content myself with the lowest figure.....
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  #45  
Old 2nd July 2017, 14:33
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Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmer John View Post
You need no more stairs than those you have. Climb to the top of them, and stand facing them. Now reach down and, keeping your body in a bow, touch your toes. Stnd up, turn around and climb the stairs again. This will afford you endless amusement and can be repeated as often as you feel will benefit you.
At least when I went down on my arse I only got carpet burns and not a broken neck!
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #46  
Old 2nd July 2017, 15:35
Engine Serang United Kingdom Engine Serang is offline
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66
5ft 10in
16 st 0 lbs
BP 220 / 120

Doctor nearly had a heart attack.
Now on a clean living regime.
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  #47  
Old 2nd July 2017, 16:07
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Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
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And Lisinopril?
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #48  
Old 2nd July 2017, 19:08
Engine Serang United Kingdom Engine Serang is offline
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Adalat, Valsartin, Bisoproprol and a pee pill. And no Ulster Fry's.
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  #49  
Old 3rd July 2017, 10:41
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Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
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Good-oh. We share the same age slot, need for diuretics and hankering for a proper breakfast.
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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  #50  
Old 8th July 2017, 11:47
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Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
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See #1 for update. A better week (although it might all be my liver trying to escape)
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David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
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