virtual crazy gang, part II

[Varley]

Damn the man. The second time I've had to have the plasticos arrange me a longer bunk.

Anyway, shouldn't we be that far already? We seem to be going too slowly for an ETA NOLA 1972.

[billyboy]

after this we skip across the pond and visit New Orleans (Mr Varleys old stamping ground) Migh be a woman with three kids and a pram waiting for him there...LOL

[Varley]

You flatter me but that is not the sort of relativity to which I allude!.

But for anyone fitting that frame (both time and moral clearance) I am sure the place would have been much the same in 1970 - if we use the red lever we might might squeeze another year back out of the improbability drive (D Adams. Pat.Pend.). Alternatively we could simply go back at economic speed and see what the ravages of time have wrought. Just as long as we don't return while any offspring might be 'troublesome'. I understand that is usually between ball-drop and taking to bitter but my nepotic experience is that it continues easily into the early 40s.

[billyboy]

Ok cut outs. Untie them mooring lines and get them in. we have Pond crossing to do.
Stand by main engines!. Bow thruster hard a port! she's coming round nicely. stop thruster. slow ahead both. keep her in the middle quarter master.
OK full ahead both, give them a double ring revs for 20 knots. and send down a case of Black bush.

[Varley]

Have you noticed that the time taken to consume a case of that Chateau Bothiebathtub matches almost exactly the time it takes to 'pull a unit'? It may not be the control room telephone that is always 'off hook' during such maintenance but the Chief.

[billyboy]

all the years to hearing H&W riveting guns plus the engine room noises make him a bit edgy. buy He is the best engineer and we are lucky to have him.

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by Varley

Have you noticed that the time taken to consume a case of that Chateau Bothiebathtub matches almost exactly the time it takes to 'pull a unit'? It may not be the control room telephone that is always 'off hook' during such maintenance but the Chief.

BAH HUMBUG !!!!!! jealousy is a terrible thing

[Tmac1720]

Originally Posted by billyboy

all the years to hearing H&W riveting guns plus the engine room noises make him a bit edgy. buy He is the best engineer and we are lucky to have him.

Hey?..who?...what?... who said that? Excuse me if I am slow to respond but after a fight with cookie I have sponge in one ear and custard and jelly in the other and therefore am a trifle deaf.

You are too kind Sir William, your cheque/bribe is in the post

[Varley]

Aye, aye. Chief's up. That new case can't have reached him yet surely so he must just have come around from finishing the one you bunged him for not blowing tubes when those young ladies were taking a turn on the monkey Island.

SORRY CHIEF. I SAY FELLOWS, THE CHIEF ENGINEER IS ABROAD AND TAKING SOLIDS. HE CAN'T HAVE GOT TO SIR W'S LATEST WEE GIFT SO I'LL SEND THE BOY TO COLLECT THE EMPTIES BEFORE THE PLASTICOS COMPLAIN. HE REALLY SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT COOKIE'S A PROFESSIONAL AND WOULDN'T COMMIT TRIFLE LIKE THAT. HE MUST HAVE BEEN LAYING IN THE BAIN MARIE - AGAIN - HOW HE MANAGED TO GET AFTERS IN BOTH SIDES IS BEYOND ME BUT AS HE TELLS US (MANY TIMES AND OFT) HE IS A HARLAND'S MAN.

[billyboy]

See Readers! we have a happy ship again. Vacancy's for a captain, mate and commodore still open. a ships cook would also be welcome.

[Varley]

It's you own fault you are having to cover the mate's watches. If you hadn't told him to spring in the air he wouldn't have been rude enough for you to sack him (at least that used some of the cheaper sherry - I am for a chilled Manzanilla before meals, doesn't go with breakfast muesli so gulp it down as a livener).

CHIEF, I'VE PINNED A COPY ON THE SALOON DOOR.

(Can't keep up the shouting without using Gargle de Douro which is rather a waste. I wonder if we could blow out his lugs with WD40 or may be drops of ACC9 - he's had a go using walnut hulls but his lobes don't flap quickly enough).

[billyboy]

Nay not I Mr Varley....I simple implied that he should go forth and multiply.

No applicants for Skipper, mate or cook yet. Best paying jobs afloat but no one interested as yet. So I must soldier on with it.

If not for the likes of Tmac and yourself this ship would have been in lay up a long time ago.
Anyway Ecdis suggests we cold make landfall in 5 days from now. Perhaps some good folk will sign on there.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Have we left ES behind somewhere?

[billyboy]

Think Tmac has ES down the tunnel checking the shaft bearings. He has a hammock down there so could be a while.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Originally Posted by billyboy

Think Tmac has ES down the tunnel checking the shaft bearings. He has a hammock down there so could be a while.

Ah! All is revealed, not that I would admit it, but it has been kind of lonely, but peaceful, down here without him picking on me.

Tmac seems to trust ES implicitly between his royal visits of inspection that is. Is it true that on one visit, long before my time of course, that his MBE got caught on a big end and nearly dragged him into the crankcase?

[Varley]

Better get the boy to check the shaft bearings, he that normally watcheth over them may be neither slumbering nor sleeping, he may just be ashore in his bothie clutching a flagon of early-crop bathjuice.

I think E-S has been, like me, smarting from the guidance received from on high that our mirth was insufficiently intellectual and when spilled onto other threads was unwelcome.

Been rather quite since, what? Might have to think 'press gang'. Is MN allowed such? I know, I know, a volunteer is worth ten pressed men (is that how the Cutouts got that flat?). Press any of the rest of us and it'll be something worse than from the bothiebath at one end and oefsprout vindaloo at the other.

(Is the gong ribbon usually long enough to reach one's big end?)

[Tmac1720]

ES has not been seen on board since 12th July when he requested shore leave with his Lambeg drum. I granted this willingly as the feckin' noise he was making on the steering gear flat would raise the dead. He assures me the noise actually is a tune but I have my doubts in this regard.

Anyhoo he was last seen banging away (on his drum) and marching up the quayside. I know Finaghy is a long walk from where we are but he is a fit lad and has his egg and soldiers every morning.

Squeek and Eric have been standing by for him while ensuring complete systems functionality to Mr Varleys accommodation. A/C, hot and cold running stewards, full meal service and a nice selection of Havanas and port for his delectation as afters. Us injuneers are nothing if not flexible, just ask the plastico's bent over the shafting.

I shall now convey myself into the depths of the pit to inspect the minions therein.

[Varley]

And much obliged I am too but do remember I do my bit, they'd not be half as effective if they were working in the dark( AC? I know that but I'm surprised a plumber does).

Hm. A plastico in that position, who'd have thought? You shouldn't have described it as shafting.

[Engine Serang]

As R-Jarry once said; He hasn't gone away you know.

[billyboy]

we will be mid Atlantic by noon tomorrow. could be an excuse for a pool bar party.
God for moral they say, cant say as I've met Moral as yet, Who is he? a Seward perhaps?

Steward! organise a party for noon tomorrow will you at the pool bar..yes we will require nibbles too.
Oh and make sure there is some vintage port available, the good stuff! Mr Varley is most particular about his port.

[Varley]

Well, if He is then no one can be against Moral.

It's the sort of name that should have a Handel to it. Sir Moral Seward or Baron Moral of Seward? perhaps. Get the Debretts from its locker and look him up. Can't be that posh travelling with us but he might be flush enough to cover the bar bill (I have in the back of my mind and Archdeacon of similar name. That might put a dampener on the festivities).

(On that topic, I hope you did not fill the Port tanks with Vintage. I only pay for Tawny)

[billyboy]

still in sick bay. dentist been trying to dig out broken off roots, failed, anaesthesia not working on me. Will have to be admitted later on for a theatre job. Just my luck.

[Engine Serang]

I have a mortal dread of dentists for over 60 years caused by a butcher of the mobile school dental service.
My advice to you, Billy Boy, is to compose yourself and get the job done under general anaesthetic and when on the mend, SUE.

Sue every bugger and his sister, the dentist, the dental practice, the hospital and the caterers as its 50/50 that you will get food poisoning whilst in hospital. Eating your jelly and ice cream.

I'll send you the details of my solicitors, "Sue, Grabit and Run" of Larne Co Antrim. A new Merc will be sitting in your drive before you can say Colegate.

[Tmac1720]

I have a simple remedy that works to ensure I have painless dentistry. Simply grab the Dentist by the balls and say "we aren't going to hurt each other are we?" In the case of a female Dentist any one of the lumpy bits at the front will suffice.

I have a dental procedure scheduled for Tuesday 7th, dunno what's worse the procedure or the cost £1200..... feckin Dick Turpin wore a mask !!!!

[Tmac1720]

[QUOTE=Engine Serang;39834]I have a mortal dread of dentists for over 60 years caused by a butcher of the mobile school dental service.

Must be the same bar steward that treated me There are only two people in this world I hate and they are both Dentists