Go Back   Shipping History > Swinging The Lamp (Off Topic) > The Pig & Whistle

Humour the best of medicine

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #201  
Old 12th December 2018, 11:08
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
This new Amazon Echo they've bought out is really good … if I can just get it to stop calling me 'Dave.'
Attached Images
File Type: jpg HALexa.jpg (38.6 KB, 52 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #202  
Old 12th December 2018, 11:23
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,403
Mine has three stripes and calls me 'Mate'. I am trying to teach it 'Sir'. Just one 'Dave' and we'll see how it's station likes L1/L2 instead of L1/N.
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #203  
Old 13th December 2018, 12:45
Dave McGouldrick Dave McGouldrick is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Forfar Scotland UK
Posts: 192
Sign of the times.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg old1.jpg (27.5 KB, 100 views)
Reply With Quote
  #204  
Old 13th December 2018, 13:55
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #205  
Old 15th December 2018, 12:59
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
The real reason life emerged from the sea and onto land ….
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Evolution2.jpg (42.9 KB, 109 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #206  
Old 20th December 2018, 12:28
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Ah remember those wondrous Christmas things you did as a kid … well technology has made it all so much easier …
Attached Images
File Type: jpg santasletter.jpg (81.4 KB, 96 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #207  
Old 21st December 2018, 22:56
DAVIDJM United Kingdom DAVIDJM is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: chepstow
Posts: 251
Images: 2
Can you be more specific
Reply With Quote
  #208  
Old 22nd December 2018, 07:06
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
Its a drone.
Reply With Quote
  #209  
Old 22nd December 2018, 08:19
Tom Alexander's Avatar
Tom Alexander Canada Tom Alexander is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Nanaimo, B.C., Canada
Posts: 1,205
Images: 1
Then there was little Johnny who wanted a watch for Christmas ----- So his parents let him.
Reply With Quote
  #210  
Old 22nd December 2018, 08:25
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
let him buy a watch? Most kids just use their phones.
Reply With Quote
  #211  
Old 22nd December 2018, 13:21
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,403
And with a 'phone he could have a video of their performance rated on antisocial media.
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #212  
Old 23rd December 2018, 16:26
Dave McGouldrick Dave McGouldrick is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Forfar Scotland UK
Posts: 192
Of course this has never actually happened to me.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg facebook_1545558883829.jpg (49.1 KB, 112 views)
Reply With Quote
  #213  
Old 1st January 2019, 10:52
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Another number on the old clock ….
Attached Images
File Type: jpg remember2018.jpg (33.9 KB, 4 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #214  
Old 4th January 2019, 20:24
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
If you've got a parrot, best clip it now.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg alexaparrot.jpg (83.0 KB, 100 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #215  
Old 10th January 2019, 13:02
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
A new take on an old story ….
Attached Images
File Type: jpg home2.jpg (69.2 KB, 79 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #216  
Old 13th January 2019, 17:46
John Rogers's Avatar
John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: St.louis,Missouri USA.
Posts: 540
Images: 239
After the honeymoon, Brian was welding some stuff in the garage for fun.

Joan, His new wife, was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence Joan finally said: "Honey, I've just been
thinking; now that we are married, maybe you don't need to spend so much
of your time out here in your shed, and could consider selling some of your
machinery and stuff, like your gun collection, fishing gear, and lose all those
stupid model airplanes. And dump that home brewing kit."

Brian got a horrified look on his face and silently stared at her. Joan said,
"Darling, what's wrong?"

Brian replied, "Nothing, but for a minute there, you were starting to sound like
my ex-wife."

“Ex-wife?" She screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

Brian replied......... "I wasn't.”
Reply With Quote
  #217  
Old 18th January 2019, 01:55
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
DNA testing probably not necessary …
Attached Images
File Type: jpg adopted.jpg (90.3 KB, 86 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #218  
Old 28th January 2019, 01:30
tugger Australia tugger is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Cooma NSW
Posts: 73
Images: 1
Sign Outside a funeral Home.
Drive carefully, "We'll Wait".
Reply With Quote
  #219  
Old 31st January 2019, 16:17
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
In the incubator, the farmer can't hear you scream !!!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg AlienChicken.jpg (71.4 KB, 62 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #220  
Old 31st January 2019, 17:42
erimus's Avatar
erimus United Kingdom erimus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 339
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the U.N.


The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible
solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world."

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America and Russia they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.


geoff
Reply With Quote
  #221  
Old 3rd February 2019, 11:32
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,403
I received a request to confirm my GDPR preferences for the IMarEST Guild.

I am pleased to report that they have an enlightened approach to D&A as they claim that "no one full has access" to my personal data. A good lunch, then, can still be had in the City.
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #222  
Old 4th February 2019, 08:28
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
I also got the GDPR letter and decided it was an opportune time toclear the air and to feel more relaxed at the Annual Nosebag.
I told them I did not wish to sit beside any man using lipstick or Gloss as they call it nowadays, or any female smoking a pipe or chewing tobacco like a Texan Roustabout. Or the Port Chaplin, padre, man of the cloth. They replied that they thought I was confused. But I tell you I know a Wrong-Un when I see one.

Last edited by Engine Serang; 4th February 2019 at 08:32. Reason: None.
Reply With Quote
  #223  
Old 4th February 2019, 11:31
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,403
If you are going to the bash (I am booked) may I ask what dress you will be wearing? I would have it so that I can recognise you at the greatest possible distance so that the magnitude, if not the direction, of that vector may be maintained throughout what until now I had expected to be an enjoyable evening. Perhaps if you were to wear a potato at one/both end(s) of your Albert?

(You forgot snuff, I will bring some if that will act as a repellant).
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #224  
Old 8th February 2019, 17:23
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
How management works:
Attached Images
File Type: jpg BranchManager.jpg (205.9 KB, 64 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #225  
Old 8th February 2019, 17:56
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,403
Management works? I thought we were of the same mind on this rare beast.
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
Post Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 15:33.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.