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  #326  
Old 19th April 2019, 02:50
tugger Australia tugger is offline
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In the 1980s, the Spanish singer Julio Iglesias used the word 'Manana' on UK TV. The host asked him to explain. He said," Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; maybe the next day, maybe the day after that, or perhaps next week, next month next year, who realy cares ?" The host then asked the other guest, country singer Mudrack Flatlands, if there was an equivalent Australian term. "Nah, he replied, "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.
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  #327  
Old 19th April 2019, 03:53
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In the 1980s, the Spanish singer Julio Iglesias used the word 'Manana' on UK TV. The host asked him to explain. He said," Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; maybe the next day, maybe the day after that, or perhaps next week, next month next year, who realy cares ?" The host then asked the other guest, country singer Mudrack Flatlands, if there was an equivalent Australian term. "Nah, he replied, "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.
Tugger
Is not the Australian word you seek;

'Australian Tradesman' ????

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  #328  
Old 21st April 2019, 19:20
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Always be careful with this Easter Egg thing ..
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  #329  
Old 21st April 2019, 21:38
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Always be careful with this Easter Egg thing ..
It'll get worse, mark my words.
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  #330  
Old 22nd April 2019, 07:40
Engine Serang Europe Engine Serang is offline
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Is it an Easter "Yule Log" ? A bunny-bun.
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  #331  
Old 22nd April 2019, 13:06
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My ears pricked up to a reported radio advert misspeak:

"There will be an Easter Bunny hunt followed by and Easter Bunny Breakfast".

I am surprised there is nothing done potato-wise for Easter in the deeply distant Hibernias. I am expecting Irish seed potato to fulfil promise to grow some here for comparison (and to reduce sea miles on car-freight for some of ilk returning from the Curragh pilgrimages). It's rath getting on for such a planting but, heigh-ho, what can a mere unIrish male do?
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  #332  
Old 12th May 2019, 10:37
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Groan meter at ready Bob?

A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says,
"There's a gentleman in the waiting room wearing camouflage clothing asking to see you.
He claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."

geoff
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  #333  
Old 12th May 2019, 11:51
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That joke is older than I am (Still good though.)

If we're resurrecting old music hall jokes:

I say I say I say, my dog hasn't got a nose.

How does it smell ?

Bloody awful.




There's a man outside selling clocks.

Tell him I haven't got time for him.


.

Doctor Doctor I think I've got an inferiority complex.

I can't think why you insignificant little moron.




Knock knock.

Who's there ?

Doctor.

Doctor who ?

EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE




And finally one from the late great Tommy Cooper.

I went to see a show at the London Palladium but they told me all the seats were taken, and I couldn't go in.
I said: "I bet you'd have seat for Prince Charles if he was coming."
"Well yes," they replied. "Of course we would."
"Well he's not coming, so I'll take his."
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  #334  
Old 26th May 2019, 11:46
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Groan Meter ready Bob?

An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log.
The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.

"Why did you do that?" asks a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognised it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory!" says the giraffe.

"Yes," says the elephant. "it's called Turtle recall!"

geoff
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  #335  
Old 27th May 2019, 10:32
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Right bad jokes are us:

Why shouldn't you buy flowers from a monk ?

Because we should all strive to prevent florist friars. (taddum tish tish.)
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  #336  
Old 28th May 2019, 11:19
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An old man was unhappy because he'd lost his favourite hat.
Instead of buying a new one, he decided to go to the local church and pinch one out of the vestibule.
But, when he tried, an usher saw him and forced him to sit in a pew and listen to the entire sermon on the Ten Commandments.

After church, the old man went to the preacher, shook his hand and said
"I want to thank you for saving my soul today.
I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided against it".

"You mean the Commandment 'Thou shalt not steal' changed your mind? asked the preacher.

"No," said the old man. "The one about adultery did.
As soon as you mentioned it, I remembered where I'd left my hat".

geoff
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  #337  
Old 5th June 2019, 20:15
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I always paid attention to it. It was checking to see that the emergency doors opened properly that seemed to p1ss everybody off .
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  #338  
Old 6th June 2019, 09:44
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Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation...

geoff
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  #339  
Old 6th June 2019, 16:35
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The poor dog had never set eyes on a 70 year old painted lady from Wisconsin who didn't have a pension. And whose fifth husband had a rifle rack on his pick-up truck and chewed tobacco. And who sat in his porch in a string vest with a Ruger in his lap waiting for varmints to come down the road. The land of the free.
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  #340  
Old 6th June 2019, 18:04
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Their model of an ideal recruit may have been updated since you last flew with them E-S.
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Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
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It is the duty of the wealthy man
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  #341  
Old 6th June 2019, 18:50
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Yes, apparently biplanes have gone out of fashion.
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  #342  
Old 6th June 2019, 22:28
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Biplanes still running scheduled services out of Newquay Airport. Honestly.
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  #343  
Old 7th June 2019, 09:00
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That's Cornwall for ya .

('One o them new fangled fly things be along dreckly.')

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  #344  
Old 18th June 2019, 19:22
Apple82 Apple82 is offline
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That's Cornwall for ya .

('One o them new fangled fly things be along dreckly.')

Isn't Newquay set to become some kind of "space port"? Read that somewhere. I always remember it as St. Mawgan, and the Boeing 707s test flying from there, along with the Shackletons. You emmets may not remember that Bob
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  #345  
Old 18th June 2019, 20:42
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There is indeed talk of a spaceport. But I suspect it originated far far away in another galaxy.
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  #346  
Old 20th June 2019, 20:49
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I can offer good arguments against all the evidence you 'spherical heretics' produce, but I can't deny, this is a tough one.

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  #347  
Old 22nd June 2019, 21:33
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Went to buy a new toaster today. I asked the sales woman if they'd got something a little bit 'special'.

Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one...

Turned out to be a Breville in disguise!

geoff
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  #348  
Old 22nd June 2019, 22:27
Makko Mexico Makko is offline
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Went to buy a new toaster today. I asked the sales woman if they'd got something a little bit 'special'.

Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one...

Turned out to be a Breville in disguise!

geoff
??????????????????
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  #349  
Old 22nd June 2019, 22:45
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Makko, https://www.google.com/search?q=devi...hrome&ie=UTF-8
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  #350  
Old 22nd June 2019, 23:20
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I'm a Delonghi man myself.

(I'm also removing erimus's honorary groanometer medal.)
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