virtual crazy gang, part II

[Engine Serang]

Thank goodness AI and Taiwanese chips have done away with useless nonsense like impedance, harmonics, power factor, split phase, 3 phase-3 wire star, back emf and Ward Leonard.
V=IR rules again.

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by Malcolm G

The roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd!

Went to the grandsons school play last Christmas and the smell from the stage reminded me of the toilets in Bugis Street. Over half the 5 year olds had wet themselves with the excitement of it all.
Naturally the teachers took it in their stride, cleaned up, re-assured the chorus and the show carried on.
Encore, who would be a teacher of Year 1, 2 and 3.

[rustytrawler]

How the hell does a teacher of five year olds teach a newly imported Afghan child and many other kids from all over the world in a class of 35 kids. Pay them double i say.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Who would be a teacher these days?
Half the parents are worse than the kids.

[Engine Serang]

All news outlets in Ireland tell us that practical all newly trained Nurses, Teachers and Gardai (Police) are emigrating to Australia because their salary does not stretch to a mortgage or in many cases rent in an average house. Many young couples combined salaries barely covers the house with nothing left to live a life. Melbourne seems to be their destination of choice, Sydney has lost favour and Perth is only favoured by the unqualified.
What is the attraction of Melbourne and what the hell are youse doing with the hundreds of professional, and no doubt gobby, Irish youth.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

All news outlets in Ireland tell us that practical all newly trained Nurses, Teachers and Gardai (Police) are emigrating to Australia because their salary does not stretch to a mortgage or in many cases rent in an average house. Many young couples combined salaries barely covers the house with nothing left to live a life. Melbourne seems to be their destination of choice, Sydney has lost favour and Perth is only favoured by the unqualified.
What is the attraction of Melbourne and what the hell are youse doing with the hundreds of professional, and no doubt gobby, Irish youth.

'What is the attraction of Melbourne ?'

No good asking me - I am not aware of any (unless you like trams!).

• Victoria is bankrupt.
• Housing shortage - too many migrants even if they are smarter and more prepared to work than the locals.
• Incompetent/corrupt State Government.
• Too many people.
• Anyone who has been even half successful in life is taxed to hell.
• Youth crime - home invasions stealing cars.
• Only mugs obey the law - the crims usually get off with a kiss from the judge.

Unlike what you say, we are always told that Ireland is a great place to live - at least there are no snakes. ?????

Perth or Adelaide appeal to me as better places to live than Melbourne but if you insist on coming here some Duty Free will be welcome.

[rustytrawler]

The paddys will soon return they are scared of spiders they will also loose the skill of erecting an umbrella in a gale of wind and driving pissed while listening to Daniel watshisname on the car radio and crying at the same time.

[Varley]

I had not realised that the privileges of childlessness have, then, the strangeness of heredity. I have often been repelled by the sound of an infant choir shredding the works of masters in off-pitch unsynchronised cacophony knowing, as I then thought, that only a parent could be oblivious to the assault on the auditory and artistic senses of anyone not stone or tone deaf.

Only now do I learn that grandparents are also exposed to this invention of the sado-masoc school of music.

A newly recognised benefit, however, is that the repellant effect of such protooperatic 'gifts' have ensured that I have never approached one closely enough to collect the olfactory data that ES has kindly recorded for us (fortunately without the sound-track).

[tweediekiwi]

Same thing happening in NZ. All our young medico's, nurses, qualified police, paramedics, firemen and trade qualified people are going to Oz. 88,000 since our change of government and the Conservative's come in swinging the redundancy hammer and making thousands here jobless. In little old shit-splat Pahiatua, if we want a doc's appointment now, we get booked in for April '25. I hope I don't get anything serious otherwise it's all over.

[billyboy]

we are equipped with an excellent sick bay with and operating room. all we need is a sick bay tiffy. sadly we seem to have lost the one we had and she was briliant.
so, if anyone knows someone with medical knowledge get them to sign on. I am getting tired of having to spend time ashore for treatment when I could be getting treated here.

[170 Driver]

Giz a job.

Take 2 aspirins' and come back in a week.

Covers everything.
Either...

1) You`ll be cured
b) You`ll be dead
iii) I`ll be away

[billyboy]

(nip ashore and Pee under a tree. if you get Ants your blood sugar too high. Ants Die your alcohol level too high.)
serious though. need someone to run our sick bay. its got all you need in there so no worries.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

I believe our last medically trained person left because someone pinched her bikini top whilst she and it were lying around somewhere.

There will be unannounced locker searches at 1000 hours GMT on Monday!

Any volunteers?

[Malcolm G]

One of my miscellaneous qualifications was that of First Aid trainer.
At some stages I worked with a St John’s Ambulance volunteer whose main job was as an undertaker.
He used to say “Why worry, I can easily bury our mistakes.”
Seemed like a good attitude.

[Malcolm G]

Originally Posted by YM-Mundrabilla

I believe our last medically trained person left because someone pinched her bikini top whilst she and it were lying around somewhere.

There will be unannounced locker searches at 1000 hours GMT on Monday!

Any volunteers?

Nothing beats an unannounced search.

[tweediekiwi]

Doing CPR was taught to us every year in most of the jobs I had, so I might be able to help there, just as long as I don't wind myself getting down on the deck ... or get cramp whilst I'm down there! If the bikini top is found, I could help with the re-fit if required. Anything for a titter.

[Engine Serang]

Re Susci Ann cures most ills but you must bring your own flannel.

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Originally Posted by tweediekiwi

Same thing happening in NZ. All our young medico's, nurses, qualified police, paramedics, firemen and trade qualified people are going to Oz. 88,000 since our change of government and the Conservative's come in swinging the redundancy hammer and making thousands here jobless. In little old shit-splat Pahiatua, if we want a doc's appointment now, we get booked in for April '25. I hope I don't get anything serious otherwise it's all over.

Hope that you mean 'April [20]25' in the English format rather than the American date style as if you mean the American 'April 25' the surgery will be closed for ANZAC Day!

[billyboy]

I got a feeling we will end up going into lay up somewhere. Mothballing is another possibility. cant keep running the old girl with no Crew.
Staff required in all departments. Cook, Nurse, carpenter, Bosun. deck crew, greasers, purser,
Bridge/ navigators.

[Varley]

I lie-in most days so don' need some bossy owner telling me to lie-up. And if you tell me to lie-down I'll need to know more of you intentions than a note in the night orders!

As for the skills shortage I have the boy busy in the shack applying AI to all and sundry an bar a slight misunderstanding with the plasticos over the degree of precision of the acronym. They were quite enthusiastic until they were told it had no farming connotations.

I am quite confident that with the addition of a PLC or two and a tapping off the nearest undersea internet fibre highway we can toddle the ocean blue with only the tiniest increase to the deductible demanded.

As for cook. I caught him adding Bovear to the curry powder. Is this some new IMO Emissions requirement?

[Engine Serang]

The Vindaloo needed it.

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by billyboy

I got a feeling we will end up going into lay up somewhere. Mothballing is another possibility. cant keep running the old girl with no Crew.
Staff required in all departments. Cook, Nurse, carpenter, Bosun. deck crew, greasers, purser,
Bridge/ navigators.

FFS BB would you quit whinging you have nearly a full crew, accept the fact that Farmer John, Red17, Pats, Sister Eleff, Tom Alexander, are unlikely to sign-on again. Tmax is continually flouttered in The Maritime Club and Stevie Card never bought into the Split.
Electronics and automation has, to a great extent, replaced them.

So you have a nice little crew, Britain's Hardy Sons, and the two guys from Down-Under who are not horny-Handed sons of the Seas but like Mr Barkis they are "Willin".

Get on with it BB, we are all behind you.

[Malcolm G]

Some bald bloke just turned up in the Galley muttering stuff about Masterchef and how we’ve got it all wrong.
So, assuming he was the new cook, I told him that there are 24 covers, first sitting in one hour, I don’t know how many are veggies but I’ll let him know soonest, and handed him the menu - Saturday steak night of course.
I told him that I’d give him an extra half hour to find his way round. Showed him the pantry and the fridges and introduced him to his assistant cook.
Assistant cook seems like a willing young chap with references from some Scottish bloke, Mac something or other.
With that he shouted “Me? I’m only a bloody greengrocer!” And stormed off.

Upshot is that dinner tonight is hamburger in a bun with some processed cheese, a bit of limp lettuce and a handful of really skinny chips. Sorry…

I’ll have crack at one of my roast dinners tomorrow.

[Engine Serang]

Did the bald bloke have a sock over his penis?

[Malcolm G]

Not this time, but imagining it might give me nightmares.