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Humour the best of medicine

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  #601  
Old 5th October 2020, 22:48
Makko Mexico Makko is offline
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I liked that one, Bob! Snigger, snigger!
Rgds.
Dave
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  #602  
Old 6th October 2020, 08:06
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
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Barnsley and Bolton aren't in the Cairngorms.
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  #603  
Old 6th October 2020, 08:54
Apple82 Apple82 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClay View Post
The Queen bought Prince Philip a Fox Fur hat for the cold weather.

A couple of months later he said to the Queen: "Here Liz, I've been invited to a shoot for the weekend near Barnsley."

The Queen replied: "Wear the fox hat phil."

Phil answered: "Near Bolton I think."
That's a good'un Bob.
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  #604  
Old 12th October 2020, 13:21
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John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
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A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:

"We will heel you

We will save your sole

We will even dye for you."



A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:

“Blind man driving.”



Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”



In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels.”



On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels



At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.”



On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed.”



On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”



At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout.”



On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts.”



In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”



On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push.”



At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”



Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”



In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”



At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”



In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”



In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”



At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank Heaven for little grills.”



In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak.”



Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”
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  #605  
Old 18th October 2020, 13:24
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billyboy Philippines billyboy is offline
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Maths Teacher called me out and said "If I gave you 20 quid and then you gave 5 to Mary,5 to gladys and five to Janet. what you have"?
Apparently 3 blow jobs and a chinese on the way home was not the right answer
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"Imagination is more important than knowledge". A. Einstein.
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  #606  
Old 19th October 2020, 23:06
Les Gibson United Kingdom Les Gibson is offline
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What do you want to do ?
New mailCopy

One of the best I have seen for a long time!
Thank you Billyboy.
Stay safe and well
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  #607  
Old Yesterday, 10:45
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BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is online now
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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his shop.

The mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question ?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the bike.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his handss on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work ?"


The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ... "Try doing it with the engine running."
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"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
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