Go Back   Shipping History > Swinging The Lamp (Off Topic) > The Pig & Whistle

Humour the best of medicine

Post Reply
Thread Tools
Old 5th October 2020, 22:48
Makko Mexico Makko is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Mexico City, Mexico
Posts: 393
Images: 7
I liked that one, Bob! Snigger, snigger!
Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2020, 08:06
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,
Posts: 1,453
Barnsley and Bolton aren't in the Cairngorms.
Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2020, 08:54
Apple82 Apple82 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Vancouver Island
Posts: 10
Images: 20
Originally Posted by BobClay View Post
The Queen bought Prince Philip a Fox Fur hat for the cold weather.

A couple of months later he said to the Queen: "Here Liz, I've been invited to a shoot for the weekend near Barnsley."

The Queen replied: "Wear the fox hat phil."

Phil answered: "Near Bolton I think."
That's a good'un Bob.
Reply With Quote
Old 12th October 2020, 13:21
John Rogers's Avatar
John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: St.louis,Missouri USA.
Posts: 256
Images: 210

"We will heel you

We will save your sole

We will even dye for you."


“Blind man driving.”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.”

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push.”

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank Heaven for little grills.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak.”

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”
Reply With Quote
Old 18th October 2020, 13:24
billyboy's Avatar
billyboy Philippines billyboy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Philippines
Posts: 1,590
Images: 22
Maths Teacher called me out and said "If I gave you 20 quid and then you gave 5 to Mary,5 to gladys and five to Janet. what you have"?
Apparently 3 blow jobs and a chinese on the way home was not the right answer
"Imagination is more important than knowledge". A. Einstein.
Reply With Quote
Old 19th October 2020, 23:06
Les Gibson United Kingdom Les Gibson is offline
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Swansea
Posts: 34
What do you want to do ?
New mailCopy

One of the best I have seen for a long time!
Thank you Billyboy.
Stay safe and well
Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:45
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is online now
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,121
Images: 59
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his shop.

The mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question ?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the bike.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his handss on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work ?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ... "Try doing it with the engine running."
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
Post Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:04.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.