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Humour the best of medicine

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  #1501  
Old 17th October 2022, 06:39
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
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Oh very droll..
Droll my arse.
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  #1502  
Old 17th October 2022, 10:23
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Droll my arse.
Oh dear that was an unexpected response.
My ‘shaggy dog’ was a response to Bob’s shaggy dog tale, it wasn’t intended as a substitute for Andrex.
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  #1503  
Old 17th October 2022, 20:29
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
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It sort of took my breath away also. I agree with you that Young Clay be limited to 50 words per post and 30 if he is blackguarding the Church of England.
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  #1504  
Old 17th October 2022, 23:59
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You keep this up and I'll sign some Monk forms and join up.
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  #1505  
Old 19th October 2022, 08:29
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I’m off to Blindfold Archery classes today. We have a brilliant time!

If you’ve never tried it, you don’t know what you’re missing.
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Old 19th October 2022, 16:22
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Is it like a No-Noise disco?
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  #1507  
Old 22nd October 2022, 10:55
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A local farmer had a field of annoyingly noisy, male cattle. After many complaints, he decided to get rid of them.

As a result of his neighbourly action, he was awarded the "No bull peace prize.”
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Old 22nd October 2022, 14:20
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This could be ‘interesting’..
But with some of the ‘Merican’ milk I’ve been served I doubt they’d notice.
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  #1509  
Old 24th October 2022, 08:32
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My commuter mate is not the brightest. He told me that it’s about time the railways recruited some taller drivers and guards.

He said “My regular train’s just been cancelled yet again due to the shortage of staff.”
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Old 24th October 2022, 09:16
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"Doctor Doctor I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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Old 26th October 2022, 09:22
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My mate Philip went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver.

Excitedly he said, “I can tell you, I turned a few heads!”
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  #1512  
Old 26th October 2022, 13:37
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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?", he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?”
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  #1513  
Old 26th October 2022, 19:13
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True story - A friend went to a fancy dress party naked, except for a cardboard box covering his parts - He went as a Tool Box.
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  #1514  
Old 27th October 2022, 02:13
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True story - A friend went to a fancy dress party naked, except for a cardboard box covering his parts - He went as a Tool Box.
A colleague turned up at a Hallowe'en party dressed as a "flasher," complete with scruffy long raincoat and a plastic dildo hanging outside his trousers. He also had a large false nose with some Groucho Marx spectacles and false moustache. Someone asked him who he was supposed to be.

He replied "F**k Nose."

(Dave's post jogged my memory!)
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Old 27th October 2022, 07:33
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At last, a bit of humour. Smutty, yes but I'm not at all prudish. Keep it up lads.
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  #1516  
Old 27th October 2022, 14:11
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His Doctor told my daft mate that he was suffering from insomnia.

He asked "Is it serious Doc?”

The Doctor said "There's no need for alarm!”
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  #1517  
Old 29th October 2022, 19:58
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Old joke ....
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  #1518  
Old 29th October 2022, 21:53
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My brother is a very, very keen Pike angler! He travels extensively around the UK looking to catch the best specimen! I remember ferrying him (when he couldn't drive -Never learned up till a near fatal motorcycle accident) to Newton-Le-Willows for a Pike Angling Association meeting. A weird experience N-L-W, especially as Man. U. were playing!
Rgds.
Dave
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  #1519  
Old 30th October 2022, 00:15
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Newton-Le-Willows seemed a bit strange when I attended a company meeting there in the '90's. Overnight accomodation had been arranged, which was OK, but finding the venue for the meeting was challenging. The whole area seemed to be one huge industrial estate. We never went there again. I think the town was famous for a large factory manufacturing railway locomotives, but not much else.
We told a few jokes at the meeting but I can't remember them now. They would probably be deemed offensive in these strange times anyway.
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  #1520  
Old 30th October 2022, 07:05
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
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The only thing that bit me in Newton Le Willows was the After Sales Department of Ruston Diesels, they could teach the Pike a few new tricks.
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  #1521  
Old 30th October 2022, 22:28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dartskipper View Post
Newton-Le-Willows seemed a bit strange when I attended a company meeting there in the '90's. Overnight accomodation had been arranged, which was OK, but finding the venue for the meeting was challenging. The whole area seemed to be one huge industrial estate. We never went there again. I think the town was famous for a large factory manufacturing railway locomotives, but not much else.
We told a few jokes at the meeting but I can't remember them now. They would probably be deemed offensive in these strange times anyway.
Maternity ward of the Deltic engine, used in locomotives and boats...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3bj47TAYiU

...just right for Halloween.
6 banks of them to make an engine.
2 engines per loco.

Witchcraft i tells ya.
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  #1522  
Old 31st October 2022, 02:53
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No witchcraft here from Newton Le Willows.
A simple, successful and reliable British product from Newton Le Willows for the Victorian Railways.
Sixty J class locos were built there in 1954 by the Vulcan Foundry.
Couple of pics herewith.
Geoff (YM)
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If Global Warming is so prevalent why are there so many snowflakes around?

Last edited by YM-Mundrabilla; 31st October 2022 at 02:56.
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  #1523  
Old 31st October 2022, 07:27
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
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Did a 2 week training course with Ruston in NLW, in the old Vulcan Works which was living history of the industrial age. On average Vulcan delivered a steam engine to The Great Indian Peninsula Railway every 10 days for over 100 years. And now it is a development of luxury apartments.
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  #1524  
Old 2nd November 2022, 22:05
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Nothing to cut the capsule…?
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  #1525  
Old 3rd November 2022, 07:39
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
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Have Harrods or Harvey Nicks got a more petite ladies version?
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