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#1551
14th November 2022, 11:44
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Ah, All is forgiven. You were not fucking about you were about Fucking.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan 
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#1552
14th November 2022, 17:02
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A sailor dies one Saturday and appears at the Pearly Gates. Presently St Peter appears and asks him what he wants. "I have been a God-fearing seafarer all my working life, I have worked diligently and been honest in all my dealings never stealing, keeping the Lord's Day holy and being kind to my fellow man". "Ah jolly good" says St Peter "sounds like your application will be accepted but we've a bit of an overtime ban on up here at the moment so just take a seat over there on the grass and we'll process your application on Monday". Wearily the sailor trudges over to the grass verge and sits down to wait for Monday morning. He hasn't been there long when a Solicitor appears and he too rings the bell at the Pearly Gates. Once again St Peter appears and asks him what his business is. "I've been a solicitor all my working life, I have been diligent in all my dealings, done the best for my clients, always kept the Lord's Day holy and been kind to my fellow man". "Ah come in!" booms St Peter. The gate is only just starting to close before the sailor rises sharply from his grassy waiting room and jams a foot in the gate to stop it closing. "Now look here!" he shouts at St Peter. "Here am I with the same claims for admission and yet I have to wait until Monday due to an overtime ban yet the 'effin' solicitor rocks up and is admitted today - Saturday. What's the game?" "Ah says St Peter patiently. We get so few of them up here.
...and while I think about it (thinking of previous posts on names of establishments up and down this fine land) there is a Funeral Directors in Blackpool called Box Brothers! No there really is!
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#1553
14th November 2022, 17:31
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Quote:
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The Mad Landsman
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#1554
14th November 2022, 23:04
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I saw a furniture van once that I'm sure wasn't a mobile dentist but the name on it was Tooth Removals.
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#1555
15th November 2022, 07:03
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Quote:
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#1556
15th November 2022, 08:33
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Has mucky mouth varley been on a bender?
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#1557
15th November 2022, 10:38
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In a rage The Noble Lord reminds me of Dominic Raab.
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#1558
15th November 2022, 11:11
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What will varly do when he looses his good looks?
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#1559
15th November 2022, 14:19
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Similar to Ken Dodd he'll have to give up the male modelling.
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#1561
15th November 2022, 23:02
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A skeleton walks into a bar and says . . .
. ."Gimme a beer. And a mop."
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1563
15th November 2022, 23:10
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Hear about the "Blonds Aren't Dumb Convention" ?
They hired out a football stadium and it was a complete sell out with thousands of blonde women turning up to prove the point. The highlight was when a respected university professor chose a random member from the crowd to ask her a simple maths question, the idea being if she gets it right then obviously blondes aren't dumb. The professor asks "What is 20 multiplied by 12?" Her reply"222" "Wrong, the correct answer is 240" "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!", shouts the crowd. So the professor asks a different question, "What is 7 multiplied by 8? Quick as a flash she answers "74" "Wrong again says the professor, the answer is 56" "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!" shouts the crowd again. The professor thinks of a much simpler question, "What is 10 multiplied by 10?" "100" says the blonde enthusiastically. "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!" shouts the crowd...
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1564
16th November 2022, 14:11
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Damn-it E-S, you're right. I forgot the comma.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#1565
21st November 2022, 10:35
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Ring any bells?
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Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1566
22nd November 2022, 11:40
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As soon as my grandad saw it, he absolutely predicted that the Titanic would sink!
He shouted to everybody, over and over again, “that ship is GOING TO SINK!!”, but nobody would listen! They just threw him out of the cinema!
__________________
The Mad Landsman
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#1567
23rd November 2022, 12:53
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My friend keeps trying to outwit me by using bird puns.
Well toucan play at that game
__________________
Ron __________________________________________________ _________________________ Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.
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#1569
23rd November 2022, 16:28
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Where do i send the BILL
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#1570
23rd November 2022, 17:13
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Talk about jokes on a wing and prayer, you lot should be up before the beak.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1572
23rd November 2022, 21:43
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aaaa ... close enought for Government work ...
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#1573
23rd November 2022, 23:23
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Been out all day so apologies for a not so swift reply. Some of the previous postings have been hard to swallow, or even to pigeon hole. But still, we can't all be culture vultures.
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
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#1575
24th November 2022, 08:04
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Hi Bob what would you rather bee or a wasp
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