Humour the best of medicine

[Ron Stringer]

For the Oldies who still have memories ...

[Engine Serang]

Ah the Pope. How many Battalions does he have?

[Makko]

Originally Posted by Ron Stringer

For the Oldies who still have memories ...

"They spread Ben Gay in my jockstrap!"

Which reminds me of an American "collegiate" joke, circa 1977:

Where do they make Ben Gay?

In San Francisco, of course!

Rgds.
Dave

[Makko]

All,

I was really shocked and confused yesterday to learn of the death of a good friend and ex colleague. He always joked,"you are a little older!", yeah, three years C--t! (62 vs. 65) His last WhatsApp message to me (29/03/22) was,"Looking forward to it." meaning my daughter's church wedding in San Miguel de Allende (Atotonilco) on 07/05/2022.

While I wrestle with my emotions, having spoken to his sister-in-law at the wake, I think that, with her encouragement, I should make a lasting tribute to the last joke he sent me, following a ribald and very rude exchange of messages! :

In honour of a Yorkshire Gentleman, Mr. MJCW, my friend!

Rgds.
Dave

[John Rogers]

You could smell that one comming Dave. R.I.P. MJCW.

[Engine Serang]

Sorry to hear about your friend. RIP.

[Ron Stringer]

Rumours of a food shortage at the annual Spoonerism awards turned out to be a lack of pies

[Makko]

Thanks, U. John and ES. Mike had a wealth of off-colour, non PC, despicable and unsavoury jokes that he would roll out! His disgusting humour will be missed, at least by me.

Dave

[Ron Stringer]

My mate hired a stripper as my birthday treat.
I didn’t know whether I’d like it at first but after a while I’d got more accustomed & thought it was a great idea! In no time I’d done the hall, stairs and landing.

[BobClay]

Always reconnoitre ...

[BobClay]

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for £19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, Disco Barbie for £19.95, Ballerina Barbie for £19.95, Astronaut Barbie for £19.95, Skater Barbie for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie £265.95 and the others only £19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

[Makko]

Bloody Barbies!

When we came back to Mexico from Spain/UK in 2006, we had a box, number 12, manifested as "(70) Barbie dolls, various: (1) Cinderella Barbie Pumpkin Carriage with horse".

Then again, we also had kitchen stuff which, on the manifest, included "(26) Tea towels (vars., some in bad condition)"!

Rgds.
Dave

[Engine Serang]

I thought a Barbie was a contraption made from a half 40 gallon drum which aided Bruce and Shelia to catch salmonella by eating kangaroo incinerated and at the same time raw.
Did they ever get the trains to run on time?

[YM-Mundrabilla]

Yes and no!

[BobClay]

Did you hear about the frog who traced his family history to Warsaw? He was a tad Polish.

[Engine Serang]

Lets have a furlough over the Easter Holiday, no suns or poonerisms until 18 April.

[Malcolm G]

What’s a soonerism? opposite of a laterism?

[Varley]

The joy of being in sick bay - not having to rise to the bait (up, two three..... ouch two three)

[BobClay]

Ok ok I'll up the joke quality:


A priest and a Buddhist are making toast. The priest exclaims: "Look there is an image of Jesus in my margarine!"
The Buddhist replies: " I can't believe its not Buddha!"

[Engine Serang]

Originally Posted by Malcolm G

What’s a soonerism? opposite of a laterism?

Its the third person plural.

[Hugh Shuttleworth]

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains..
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
You're going to love this......
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken."

[Ron Stringer]

My mate messed up so badly in his last job as a landscape gardener, he ended up with the nickname, Culpability Brown.

[BobClay]

Now this is the sort of quality that puts the moaners in their place .... top notch, chrome plated, five star ultra level jokes.

(Walks off in super cool style to defrost groan-o-meter ...)

[Makko]

Originally Posted by Engine Serang

I thought a Barbie was a contraption made from a half 40 gallon drum which aided Bruce and Shelia to catch salmonella by eating kangaroo incinerated and at the same time raw.
Did they ever get the trains to run on time?

The Rapunzel Barbie cost EUR35. Cinderella Barbie EUR120. Father Christmas always made good at least one wish.

Reminds me of a quote from "me Dad" (Grandson of "Pops", a good Orange Ulsterman!).

There are three stages in life:

You BELIEVE in Father Christmas.

You DON'T believe in Father Christmas.

YOU ARE Father Christmas!

Rgds.
Dave

[Engine Serang]

I suggest a good Orange Ulsterman or good Ulster Orangeman (they are interchangeable) would be referred too as "Me Da"