Go Back   Shipping History > Swinging The Lamp (Off Topic) > The Pig & Whistle

Humour the best of medicine

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #351  
Old 23rd June 2019, 07:17
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
Always had the hots for Cherie Delonghi. Far fitter than those big arsed American tarts.
Reply With Quote
  #352  
Old 23rd June 2019, 14:13
Dartskipper's Avatar
Dartskipper United Kingdom Dartskipper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Paignton. Devon.
Posts: 1,249
Images: 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by Engine Serang View Post
Always had the hots for Cherie Delonghi. Far fitter than those big arsed American tarts.
Ah, yes, indeed. But can she make toast?
__________________
"You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time towards the open sea. It goes. That's all." Bernard Moitessier.
Reply With Quote
  #353  
Old 23rd June 2019, 21:31
erimus's Avatar
erimus United Kingdom erimus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 339
My wife told me she thought we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic...
I told her "I think you mean fewer."

geoff
Reply With Quote
  #354  
Old 24th June 2019, 09:37
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
Is it few, fewer, fewest or few, fewer, not very many?
Reply With Quote
  #355  
Old 24th June 2019, 10:53
erimus's Avatar
erimus United Kingdom erimus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 339
Quote:
Originally Posted by Engine Serang View Post
Is it few, fewer, fewest or few, fewer, not very many?
Pedant!

Geoff
Reply With Quote
  #356  
Old 24th June 2019, 11:02
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,404
It might be 'not more'. 'Many' implies 'a great number' regardless of the field but 'fewer' can only be decoded when considered against the totals fielded. A large quantity of widgits can still be fewer in widgits than an even larger quantity of widgits.

Is a lesser argument one in which weaponised frying pans are not employed or is it merely one rhetorically weaker?
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #357  
Old 24th June 2019, 11:04
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,404
One more at least. There's a few of us about.

(Pedants, not widgits).
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #358  
Old 24th June 2019, 11:59
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
Quote:
Originally Posted by erimus View Post
Pedant!

Geoff
Being a pedant could get you a good thumping in a, "Concerned Citizens", council estate.
Reply With Quote
  #359  
Old 25th June 2019, 11:01
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #360  
Old 25th June 2019, 11:14
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
Eating fireworks in June?
Eco friendly kids only eat fireworks in season, late October to early November. Air miles on bangers and Catherine wheels can be hefty and hard to justify. We are going to buy meat-free fireworks with no added "E's" this autumn to do our bit to save the planet.
Euro for the Guy.
Reply With Quote
  #361  
Old 25th June 2019, 12:37
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 2,404
Airmiles? I thought gunpowder and aircraft were incompatible or is that only when mixed with primitives?

You only have to look at all the research the Hibernians do into making household stuff go bang and that is all the gunpowder stuff is supposed to do. The chief plastico tells me you have asked to hire the cabin underneath mine, E-S. May I ask what you intend using it for?
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #362  
Old 25th June 2019, 13:11
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
I'm starting to think you guys have never heard of weed killer and sugar.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #363  
Old 25th June 2019, 13:48
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,but I'd rather be in Stavanger.
Posts: 2,921
Weed killer and sugar, never drank it. Is it any good? Is that a pint of it in your hand?

The nearest I've gotten is Brasso and hot milk, bit of a kick in it but buffs up your gold fillings something grand.

Last edited by Engine Serang; 25th June 2019 at 13:49. Reason: Too provincial.
Reply With Quote
  #364  
Old 25th June 2019, 14:10
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Never met an engineer yet that wasn't a Brasso drinker.

And did it ever show … you had to wear sunglasses if you were within 100 metres. (50 scale sunblock if you were within 10.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #365  
Old 25th June 2019, 17:40
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Did you hear about the guy who ordered four Kindles from Amazon.

They sent him a 'Two Ronnies' DVD.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #366  
Old 25th June 2019, 22:38
Farmer John's Avatar
Farmer John Farmer John is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,506
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClay View Post
Did you hear about the guy who ordered four Kindles from Amazon.

They sent him a 'Two Ronnies' DVD.
I can refute this, I bought myself, my wife and my two daughters a Kindle apiece for Christmas. They didn't even say thank you.
__________________
Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais.
Rabelais
Reply With Quote
  #367  
Old 25th June 2019, 22:44
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
You should have bought them a set of plugs.

(13 amp.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #368  
Old 5th July 2019, 18:25
erimus's Avatar
erimus United Kingdom erimus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 339
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,

the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Reply With Quote
  #369  
Old 6th July 2019, 06:53
Tom Alexander's Avatar
Tom Alexander Canada Tom Alexander is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Nanaimo, B.C., Canada
Posts: 1,205
Images: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmer John View Post
I can refute this, I bought myself, my wife and my two daughters a Kindle apiece for Christmas. They didn't even say thank you.
Should have bought some "O's" in case the Kindles caught fire.
Reply With Quote
  #370  
Old 6th July 2019, 08:59
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Barber jokes are good.

I went to the barbers last week and asked for it to be left long on the right, short on the left, cut a bald spot in the middle and make it stick up at the back.

' I can't cut it like that,' replied the barber.

'Well you did last time,' I said.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #371  
Old 8th July 2019, 14:41
erimus's Avatar
erimus United Kingdom erimus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 339
It cost me £5 for one Oxo cube today. The stock market's gone crazy!

geoff
Reply With Quote
  #372  
Old 8th July 2019, 14:45
erimus's Avatar
erimus United Kingdom erimus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 339
A mother thinks there is something strange about her son so she has a DNA test done in secret.
After a long, nervous few days of waiting, the results finally come back.
She is shocked to find out that her son is not actually related to her or her husband at all.
With a heavy heart, she approaches her husband and tells him the truth.
“Honey,” she starts. “I’m so sorry to tell you this… but Johnny is not our biological son.”

The husband looks confused. “Well of course he isn’t! Don’t you remember?
We were leaving the hospital when he pooped himself so badly.
You told me, ‘Go and change the baby, I’ll wait here’.”

geoff
Reply With Quote
  #373  
Old 9th July 2019, 08:08
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Some people are just not cut out for certain jobs ….
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Moses.jpg (107.6 KB, 73 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #374  
Old 20th July 2019, 20:23
erimus's Avatar
erimus United Kingdom erimus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 339
Eskimo goes into the local Eskimo restaurant and asks waiter what's on the menu.

Waiter says "We've got fried whale meat, boiled whale meat, whale meat stew and our Vera Lynn dish".

Eskimo says "The Vera Lynn dish sounds interesting, what's in it?"

Waiter says " Whale meat again" Don't know where don't know when".......

geoff
Reply With Quote
  #375  
Old 20th July 2019, 20:44
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,530
Images: 73
Boy am I glad I'm out of the groan-o-meter business …
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
Post Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 08:23.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.