Go Back   Shipping History > Swinging The Lamp (Off Topic) > The Pig & Whistle

Humour the best of medicine

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #526  
Old 25th April 2020, 21:50
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
What should you do if you're addicted to seaweed ?

Sea kelp.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #527  
Old 25th April 2020, 22:08
Farmer John's Avatar
Farmer John Farmer John is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,444
Bob, in these difficult times you might curtail your testing of the Groan-o-meter.
__________________
Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais.
Rabelais
Reply With Quote
  #528  
Old 25th April 2020, 22:55
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
Week 5 of the lockdown. Bob boils and eats his groan-o-meter.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #529  
Old 26th April 2020, 07:59
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,
Posts: 1,217
Only 5 weeks, that's hardly a slow steam to the Gulf. With only Ras Tan to look forward to.
Reply With Quote
  #530  
Old 26th April 2020, 09:51
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
Did that a few times via the Cape. Groan-o-meters on toast most of the way there and most of the way back .. (all the way if we stored via a chopper off Capetown.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #531  
Old 30th April 2020, 12:42
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
Collateral damage ..
Attached Images
File Type: jpg quarantine2.jpg (45.3 KB, 26 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #532  
Old 30th April 2020, 14:49
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,
Posts: 1,217
Or Foot 'n Mouth.
Reply With Quote
  #533  
Old 1st May 2020, 04:33
YM-Mundrabilla's Avatar
YM-Mundrabilla Australia YM-Mundrabilla is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Mundrabilla (haha), Melbourne really but I'd rather be in Narvik
Posts: 353
Images: 1193
Covid-19

I am a strong believer in at least two things in this life:
  • There is security in obscurity
  • Never volunteer for anything

Naturally, I will not be taking part in this government initiative but may well check on some young lady students down the street to see if their passports are valid.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg COVID-19.jpg (79.8 KB, 47 views)
Reply With Quote
  #534  
Old 1st May 2020, 10:07
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
But they mean well Joe .
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Albinobear.jpg (48.6 KB, 48 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #535  
Old 1st May 2020, 10:47
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,
Posts: 1,217
A strange shade of whitey brown.
Reply With Quote
  #536  
Old 4th May 2020, 03:51
John Rogers's Avatar
John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: St.louis,Missouri USA.
Posts: 221
Images: 210
https://youtu.be/AM4mIlYKG9s
Reply With Quote
  #537  
Old 4th May 2020, 06:20
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,
Posts: 1,217
And no JPR, Thorburn, Windsor, Price or Faulkner!
Reply With Quote
  #538  
Old 7th May 2020, 09:47
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
I gotta stop drinking Rum .
Attached Images
File Type: jpg BirdShark.jpg (52.8 KB, 21 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #539  
Old 7th May 2020, 10:48
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 1,262
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClay View Post
I gotta stop drinking Rum .
I have had to. Wine Cellar is out of Lambs Gravy and, after last night, so am I.
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It stuck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #540  
Old 17th May 2020, 10:31
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
About a month before my uncle died we greased his back with lard. He went downhill fast after that.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #541  
Old 17th May 2020, 11:10
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 1,262
Tried that but doesn't seem to work, Uncle has a tummy rash and we keep sliding off.
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It stuck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #542  
Old 17th May 2020, 11:52
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
Twanged something in my gut laughing at this . (I've cleaned it up a bit as I know seafarers don't like bad words. )
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Dwarfs2.jpg (79.8 KB, 57 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #543  
Old 21st May 2020, 10:37
Malcolm G's Avatar
Malcolm G Malcolm G is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Poole
Posts: 311
Images: 1
I was offered a job polishing mirrors.

Turned it down, I couldn't see myself doing that.
__________________
The Mad Landsman
Reply With Quote
  #544  
Old 21st May 2020, 12:44
Varley's Avatar
Varley Isle of Man Varley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Isle of Man, G.B.
Posts: 1,262
I am adding a mechanical overload preventer to the latest groan-o-meter. The giggle based governor circuit is obviously not up to the mark, the pointer's already got a bend in it.
__________________
David V
Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light
Himself. It stuck him dead and serve him right
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan
Reply With Quote
  #545  
Old 21st May 2020, 14:29
BobClay's Avatar
BobClay United Kingdom BobClay is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Cornwall UK
Posts: 1,068
Images: 54
You might not like the guy, and I'll be the first to admit he's a bit of a party pooper but at least he's considerate enough to wear a face mask in these troubled times
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Jason.jpg (74.1 KB, 31 views)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Corporal Hicks
(Actually Ripley said it first.)
Reply With Quote
  #546  
Old 21st May 2020, 20:25
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,
Posts: 1,217
Bet his jacket could tell a few tales.
Reply With Quote
  #547  
Old 25th May 2020, 09:55
Laurie Ridyard United Kingdom Laurie Ridyard is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Llandudno Conwy
Posts: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dartskipper View Post
There was an accident on the M1 today that stopped traffic for several hours. A road tanker loaded with molasses collided with another road tanker carrying a full load of treacle. There was only one fatality as one of the drivers came to a sticky end.

(Apologies again are due to the Two Ronnies.)
Another molasses joke....

The mole family went for a walk.

First came baby mole, then mummy , then daddy mole.

Baby mole says " Mummy ! Mummy ! I can smell sugar ! "

Mummy moles doesn't answer .

Baby mole gets rather exited " Mummy ! Mummy ! I can smell sugar ! "he shouts.

Mummy mole says " That's not sugar, sweetie ! That's honey ! "


Daddy Mole says rather grumpily " All I can smell round here is mole a***s !"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtxbM7-jAD0
Reply With Quote
  #548  
Old 26th May 2020, 03:21
John Rogers's Avatar
John Rogers United States John Rogers is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: St.louis,Missouri USA.
Posts: 221
Images: 210
As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to play & sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in the country. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I sang from my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.

As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost….
Reply With Quote
  #549  
Old 26th May 2020, 05:48
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Dublin,
Posts: 1,217
As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

As did I.
This is the most convincing joke I've heard in a long time.

PS. Are you a tenor or baritone?
Reply With Quote
  #550  
Old 26th May 2020, 09:43
Laurie Ridyard United Kingdom Laurie Ridyard is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Llandudno Conwy
Posts: 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobClay View Post
Many years ago there used to be a cartoon strip in the Daily Mirror called 'The Perishers.' There were a number of annual themes one of which I remember well. The group would go on a summer holiday to the seaside and the shaggy dog, 'Boot,' would always go to a crab pool to peer in and see what was going on. Down in the depths of the crab pool this gave rise to a religion amongst the crabs, based on the "Eyeballs in the Sky" that appeared each year. More often than not this ended up in madness and chaos .. (religions do that.)

It also gave rise to some funny jokes though ..
Any more of these ? Where can I find them?

ATB

Laure
Reply With Quote
Post Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:15.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.