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  #1276  
Old 15th July 2022, 09:33
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Sounds bizarre this I know but I saw a party of ramblers yesterday, being led by a man on stilts, wearing a crown & barking orders.

When I asked who he was they replied, “He's our high king coach.
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  #1277  
Old 15th July 2022, 09:50
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Sounds bizarre this I know but I saw a party of ramblers yesterday, being led by a man on stilts, wearing a crown & barking orders.

When I asked who he was they replied, “He's our high king coach.
.... and I thought I could match this !!!!

(Dream on Bob.)
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  #1278  
Old 15th July 2022, 21:55
Makko Mexico Makko is offline
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I vote to lobotomize Mr. Stringer! He really has reached depths that no other human can! But, then again, he is a Sparkie - Maybe he isn't human? Most Sparkies weren't, I am sure they were infiltrated by the Men in Black!

Tee-Hee!
Dave
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  #1279  
Old 15th July 2022, 22:43
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Or too many Volts and Jolts Dave.
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  #1280  
Old 15th July 2022, 23:46
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Yes, U. John. The electricians that would check for current using their fingers on two bare wires!
Rgds.
Dave
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  #1281  
Old 16th July 2022, 07:20
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But the old bare fingers job never fails to detect .... (well, for the first time anyway.)
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  #1282  
Old 16th July 2022, 10:08
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It is usually ascribed to morse code. It can't be bare finger detection, until one graduates to electrician the voltages risked are too low. Anyway it can't be that either as there's nothing wrong with MEeeeeeeeeeeee!
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  #1283  
Old 16th July 2022, 11:48
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Came across a street fight in town last night when suddenly, a low loader lorry arrived at the scene with a small group of trees on the back.

I thought, “Eh up, someone must have called the copse.”
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  #1284  
Old 16th July 2022, 12:41
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Quote:
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Came across a street fight in town last night when suddenly, a low loader lorry arrived at the scene with a small group of trees on the back.

I thought, “Eh up, someone must have called the copse.”
Retires to study. There will be the sound of a hammer being pulled back on a .357 magnum. Followed by a shistol pot ... I mean a postol sh1t ... I mean a shostil pit.

Ahhh sod it I didn't want to do it anyway.

There will be the sound of a beer can opening instead .. (close enough for government work.)
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  #1285  
Old 18th July 2022, 09:05
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My daft mate plays in a brass band and heard that toothpaste is good for cleaning the instruments.

He phoned me and said “Ron, do you know where I can get a decent tuba toothpaste from?”
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  #1286  
Old 19th July 2022, 09:39
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My mates’s not had much luck this week & everything he touches seems to go wrong.
Yesterday he paid a joiner up front to make a king-sized bed and he's gone and done a bunk.

He said, “Honestly, it's just one thing on top of another.”
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  #1287  
Old 19th July 2022, 10:02
Engine Serang Northern Ireland Engine Serang is online now
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Jesus lads, are youse making these up or stealing them from the Bob Monkhouse book of shitty jokes.

Delete Bob Monkhouse and insert Dave Allen, negative Catholic Priest.

Last edited by Engine Serang; 19th July 2022 at 10:04. Reason: Feeling sorry for Ron.
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  #1288  
Old 19th July 2022, 22:35
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Some sound just like Tommy Cooper. Not like that, like that, Hahhaaha......
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  #1289  
Old 19th July 2022, 22:38
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At the Olympics, Greece entered some canoeists in the slalom event. One of them accidently overturned and lost his paddle. He struggled upright, shook the water out of his ears, and was encouraged to carry on using his hands when he heard the crowd chanting,


"Up the Greek without a paddle....."
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  #1290  
Old 21st July 2022, 21:33
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Alternatives…
https://youtu.be/xt0V0_1MS0Q
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  #1291  
Old 21st July 2022, 22:05
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Note - Mods: This I found on a Youtube video of non-PC advertisments from the past. If you think it is unsuitable, please take it down. It not only evoked a titter and a snigger from me, but also various guffaws:

Rgds.
Dave
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  #1292  
Old 21st July 2022, 22:47
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Bring on the Kippers.
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  #1293  
Old 21st July 2022, 22:47
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It's not You-Tubing for me. But I'll take advice and stop using Lifebuoy in/on my mimsy, which I think is near my, near my.......... What do you mean I'm disqualified? I have declared that I have a mimsy and therefore I have one , just ask that Mordaunt chap.
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  #1294  
Old 21st July 2022, 23:38
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I just re-read it and had a belly laugh! Sorry if anyone thinks that it is over the top.............WOKE ALERT!
Rgds.
Dave
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  #1295  
Old 22nd July 2022, 03:29
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Dave did you read the captions under the small photos.
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  #1296  
Old 22nd July 2022, 09:14
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Yesterday I was driving down a lane near here when my car was suddenly covered in sour cream and chives. What a mess!

I must have missed the sign for a hidden dip in the road.
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  #1297  
Old 22nd July 2022, 16:40
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Dave did you read the captions under the small photos.
I just cannot make them out, but they appear to be rude too!
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  #1298  
Old 22nd July 2022, 17:22
Hugh Shuttleworth Hugh Shuttleworth is offline
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I just cannot make them out, but they appear to be rude too!
I googled the soap and got clearer images!!!!!
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  #1299  
Old 22nd July 2022, 18:47
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You were looking for Non-PC soap adverts?
They don't get much more outrageous than this.
I suspect it was even 'frowned upon' at the time.
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  #1300  
Old 22nd July 2022, 18:49
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I just cannot make them out, but they appear to be rude too!
David, I enlarged the photo YOU POSTED and I was shocked to the bone.
Go and and wash your mouth out with Lux and then sit in the corner.
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