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#401
9th August 2019, 22:22
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Humour is the best medicine; the National Grid are looking for a Lecky, and we have one to spare!
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#402
9th August 2019, 22:50
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Power off in North Cornwall for half an hour. Didn't think about it being a national problem, since it happens on a regular basis, regardless of time of year.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#403
10th August 2019, 15:17
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Never mind North Cornwall parts of Yorkshire lost power !
Not me.
__________________
Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais. Rabelais
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#404
10th August 2019, 16:04
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They have electricity in Yorkshire ?? ….. Pull the other one ….
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#405
10th August 2019, 16:41
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Electricity? No, power.
__________________
Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais. Rabelais
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#407
10th August 2019, 20:24
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What? eh? Why call me surely they're gas? I think I saw flickering but it seems fine now.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan
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#408
13th August 2019, 20:28
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A long time ago … (only not in a galaxy far far away.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#410
21st August 2019, 11:24
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How Yodelling came about :
How yodelling came about : An old tramp was walking in the mountains in Switzerland and feeling tired he went to a farm to ask the farmer for shelter. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn for the night. The farmer’s daughter asked her dad who it was that has just gone in the barn, and he replied “Just an old tramp who wanted shelter”. The daughter took a bottle of wine to the man in the barn and came back an hour later looking a bit roughed up. The farmer’s wife knew what she had been up to and so she too took a plate of food in to the tramp and then came back later with her clothes in a mess. The following morning the daughter asked where the tramp had gone. “I sent him on his way” said the farmer. “What for?” asked the daughter “I had great sex with him last night”. The farmer put his head through the window and shouted “Hey you, you old tramp, you had sex with my daughter” The tramp cupped his hands to his mouth and called out in reply “ANDTHEOLDLADYEEETOO”.
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#413
30th August 2019, 06:32
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#414
10th September 2019, 22:18
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OK OK, as a former anorak wearing groan-o-meter spotter, I'll be the first one to admit this is really bad:
 I said to the baker: "How come all your cakes are 50p, but that one is Ł1 ?" He replied: "That's Madeira cake." (Retreats to neutronium hardened bunker.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#415
11th September 2019, 13:02
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Ah So, that's why it's called a Pound Cake in America.
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#416
16th September 2019, 22:38
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I can't deny this has to rate as one of the worst jokes ever … enough to render any groan-o-meter into a pile of molten junk.
I still laughed though …. 
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#417
1st October 2019, 09:51
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Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning –though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#419
13th October 2019, 15:03
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The farmer in Co. Kerry in Ireland was visiting his fields when he saw a tourist with a bike attempting to drink from a stream. The farmer called out in Gaelic "Don't drink from that. It's full of cow s**t!"
The tourist shouted back "I'm British and I can't understand you. Talk to me in English!" "Use both hands. You'll get more of it!" I am long married to an Irish girl, have been an Irish resident for thirty years and with a large Irish family. One night over a few beers and taking the p*ss out of each other, my brother-in-law said "You know why Irish jokes are so simple?" "No?" "So that you English can understand them!" Then the pub sign in Dublin: "Full seven course Irish dinner -- six pints and a potato."
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#420
13th October 2019, 20:23
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Micheal said to his friend Paddy, you Know that new pub that has opened in Killybegs.
Well, you get free drinks and can go in the back and have sex. Pady said this is hard to believe. Oh, no said Micheal it is true as my sister told me.
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#423
24th October 2019, 19:40
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A depressed young man went into the local library.
He asked the librarian if they had any books about suicide. Yes she replied but you can't have it. Why he asked. Because you won't bring it back!!!!
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#424
24th October 2019, 20:27
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I'd call is Rex …. (maybe there should be a tyrannosaurus in there somewhere … ) :
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.)
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#425
11th November 2019, 20:04
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A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
' I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.' ' What type of bra? ' asked the clerk. ' Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type? ' ' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. ' Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from. ' Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: ' There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer? ‘ Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, ' It is all really quite simple.' The Catholic type supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills. Oh and Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed! {A} Almost Boobs. {B} Barely there. {C} Can't Complain. {D} Dang! {DD} Double dang! {E} Enormous! {F} Fake. {G} Get a Reduction. {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
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