#526
|
||||
|
||||
What should you do if you're addicted to seaweed ?
Sea kelp.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) |
#527
|
||||
|
||||
Bob, in these difficult times you might curtail your testing of the Groan-o-meter.
__________________
Buvez toujours, mourrez jamais. Rabelais |
#528
|
||||
|
||||
Week 5 of the lockdown. Bob boils and eats his groan-o-meter.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) |
#529
|
|||
|
|||
Only 5 weeks, that's hardly a slow steam to the Gulf. With only Ras Tan to look forward to.
|
#530
|
||||
|
||||
Did that a few times via the Cape. Groan-o-meters on toast most of the way there and most of the way back .. (all the way if we stored via a chopper off Capetown.)
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) |
#532
|
|||
|
|||
Or Foot 'n Mouth.
|
#533
|
||||
|
||||
Covid-19
I am a strong believer in at least two things in this life:
Naturally, I will not be taking part in this government initiative but may well check on some young lady students down the street to see if their passports are valid. |
#535
|
|||
|
|||
A strange shade of whitey brown.
|
#536
|
||||
|
||||
#537
|
|||
|
|||
And no JPR, Thorburn, Windsor, Price or Faulkner!
|
#539
|
||||
|
||||
I have had to. Wine Cellar is out of Lambs Gravy and, after last night, so am I.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan |
#540
|
||||
|
||||
About a month before my uncle died we greased his back with lard. He went downhill fast after that.
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) |
#541
|
||||
|
||||
Tried that but doesn't seem to work, Uncle has a tummy rash and we keep sliding off.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan |
#542
|
||||
|
||||
Twanged something in my gut laughing at this …. (I've cleaned it up a bit as I know seafarers don't like bad words. )
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) |
#544
|
||||
|
||||
I am adding a mechanical overload preventer to the latest groan-o-meter. The giggle based governor circuit is obviously not up to the mark, the pointer's already got a bend in it.
__________________
David V Lord Finchley tried to mend the electric light Himself. It struck him dead and serve him right It is the duty of the wealthy man To give employment to the artisan |
#545
|
||||
|
||||
You might not like the guy, and I'll be the first to admit he's a bit of a party pooper … but at least he's considerate enough to wear a face mask in these troubled times …
__________________
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." Corporal Hicks (Actually Ripley said it first.) |
#546
|
|||
|
|||
Bet his jacket could tell a few tales.
|
#547
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
The mole family went for a walk. First came baby mole, then mummy , then daddy mole. Baby mole says " Mummy ! Mummy ! I can smell sugar ! " Mummy moles doesn't answer . Baby mole gets rather exited " Mummy ! Mummy ! I can smell sugar ! "he shouts. Mummy mole says " That's not sugar, sweetie ! That's honey ! " Daddy Mole says rather grumpily " All I can smell round here is mole a***s !" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtxbM7-jAD0 |
#548
|
||||
|
||||
As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to play & sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in the country. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I sang from my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I’m still lost…. |
#549
|
|||
|
|||
As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
As did I. This is the most convincing joke I've heard in a long time. PS. Are you a tenor or baritone? |
#550
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
ATB Laure |
Post Reply |
|
|